Meta Rooms to Find

 I like it when my players are rewarded for looking at things, investigating their environment.  But I don't always have a secret room where they are looking.  

Inserting secret rooms where there were none before the players look is very Quantum Ogre.  In general the idea should be that there is a "real world" the players are investigating, and if they roll a 20 to search or search really well through description in a room that doesn't have any secrets too bad!  They learn there are no secrets.  However, I think these rooms are meta enough to split from this issue. I'm also playing in RAPL so having weird backstage rooms or spaces in between the dungeon feels correct.

So here are some meta rooms I might have the players find

Roll call room:  This backstage room has a series of scribes noting which players and characters have been on which adventure or session.  They have Yule Logs, Dinner Rolls, Scrolls, perpetual "rolling" machines, dice, Masks (for Roles), and other jokes.  The players can talk with the scribes who are slightly concerned to see them there and are having trouble noting who is who.  The scribes know the players and call them by their real names or get them and their characters confused. The scribes are getting a few recursion issues with the players in the room but assure them its nothing to worry about.  They give a treasure to whichever player has the best attendance. 

Backstage: The NPCs or monsters from an adjacent room are chilling here, nibbling on a rolled ham and cheese plate, drinking mediocre coffee, and making small talk.  Even their worst enemy is not hostile here, the masks come off and everyone knows there are just playacting.  Feel free to have the NPCs or monsters gripe to the players about things that are annoying you as a GM.  NPCs might let something slip, or you might be able to find out monster weaknesses from how they act. There is a "script" of what will happen next buried on a table under some bills and advertisements.  This includes a few rooms of descriptions and GM notes from the dungeon. Reading it makes the players' heads hurt. 

Treasure Room: Labelled as such from the outside, in an ancient and very impressive looking script.  I imagine the character wiping the accumulated dust of ages to find this text.  Inside, beautiful paintings, prints and drawings of the players on their adventures, focusing on when they built their friendships. Bonding treasure if the players show true friendship.

Discord: A completely silent man, who seems to be trying to talk/speak but no sound coming out. 

Something about switching discord servers or Google Hangout or something to hear him.  He has many helpful hints. 

 Lessons learned from a Time themed Dungeon

• I did a dungeon with 7 different days, different things happening each day, and ways for the players to move between days.  I think 6-7 is way too much to keep straight and have things be meaningful. Three times is more than enough, yesterday, today, tomorrow.   \
• Debatable if sleeping should move you forward a day. Encourages more fucking with the times if you wake up and its still "today"
• Bombs going off, being able to set the time that this happens is a good move
• Setting changes like flooding a floor or destroying areas at different times are cool, and show the progression of time
• Still thinking about how to have different versions of the party wandering around and doing things.  Fortunes are a cool mechanic - after a fortune you have the option to see a version of yourself?
• Your past/future versions can replace you
• Maybe certain defined events that can split the timeline and generate duplicates and then that duplicate has a defined mission or something. Still working it out
• Each time sensitive thing should have a description of what happens if the PCs do nothing, with blank spots to describe what they actually do on a certain day. 

RAPL Combat Complications

1. Chandeliers are installed by contractors.  An insane amount
2. Actors and Story Characters wander into the battlefield as part of a masque roughly mirroring the events of the actual combat
3. Theater Curtains close off half the battlefield.  NPCs on the "audience" side boo and cheer, plus continue covertly assassinating etc.  Loud hisses and boos from anyone who overtly attacks
4. Intermission is called. Servers offer refreshments. Inane chatter
5. Painters set up canvasses to paint heroic grand canvases from life and compete to hawk their wares to various combatants by portraying them in a favorable light.  Requires staying still 
6. An Edict is Promulgated requiring that people only turn left, or fight with their off hands, or various other things

Speed up the Later Levels you Cowards

Level EXP required should follow an inverse exponential curve.  I'm not sure if this is a universally held opinion but I think the first few levels are by far the most fun. The later levels are when the system balance and math start to show (cough 4th edition) and anyway the player goals or story if you have one should be heading towards a conclusion. So as a first pass I would keep the exp requirements for 5th edition flat over level 8, and rely on the increase in EXP from higher level monsters and encounters to speed things up.

30 Minute Dungeon...Literally

Tower of the Time Lord Halacras

The Bogeyman's Cave had a great idea to write out a dungeon in 30 mins or less. This was the perfect kick in the pants for me to write out my Op Amp Time Dungeon. Thanks Bogey for the inspiration and I hope you like it!

A Hook

Attention all bold folk, adventurers and fortune seekers! Halacras the Time Lord has opened his tower once again to all who might brave the perils within.  Find ancient treasure, magical wonders to astound the mind, and powerful magical lore, in thirty minutes or less, guaranteed!

General Background

This tower is designed by Halacras to harvest time from powerful heroes for his time magic, as such it is designed to waste their time.  Every thirty in-game minutes, the party snaps back to the first room in the tower, in exactly the same shape the walked in (HP, spells, etc.) They retain the knowledge of the tower they have gleaned. That this happens is not obvious on the first time they walk in, but keep them aware of how much time is going by. The rewards are all in the final room, which is technically reachable if the party already knows how everything in the tower works (possible through repeated trials) and books it hard. 

First Room

A super old dude sits lightly dozing near a huge impressive locked door.  This guy is insanely slow and loves to tell long stories about his uninteresting life. He has 1d10 time related riddles and the PCs must answer his riddles before he will unlock the door. He has no special abilities besides being almost unimaginably slow. He is a 1 HD scrub but will complain (slowly) if you steal his key or attack him.

Second Room

Lethal swinging blades cross this long hallway. Instant death on hit. Remember after 30 mins all PCs including dead ones are back at the entrance where they started.   

Third Room

As the PCs enter this room, they have haste or slow cast on them randomly by the door. If they forced their way through the old guy's door it’s always slow and his spectral face appears to castigate their generation. Full of oddly out of place stones, outlines of secret doors, faintly glowing runes and other red herrings. Another door on the opposite wall leads to the Long Hallway.

Long Hallway

Just as it says on the tin, a Long Hallway.  A slow PC could run down in it around 15 mins.  A fast PC could maybe do it in 7. Adjust based on your system but remember that Halacras can make it longer as needed. Every 3 mins a series of force fields activate, separating the Long Hallway into 30 foot cells like in the Phantom Menace when Obi-Wan is fighting Darth Maul. This forces the PCs to wait for 1 min. Then the spiders come.  If the party is more than 10 feet apart then they will be in separate cells and likely be devoured or at least have to fight solo. Once they defeat the spiders once they won’t happen again but don’t tell the PCs that.    

“Final” Room

“Well Done Heroes! You have earned the incredible treasure of the Time Lord!  First, tell me your names that I might record those who have done so well!”

An illusion of Halacras appears and congratulates the heroes.  He tries to keep them talking for as long as possible, asking them to recall their adventures, how they passed through the Time Lord’s trials, what they thought of the old guy etc. etc.  Best case he can keep the Heroes up the 30 min mark and they snap back, or at least he wants to waste as much time as possible.  There is another door on the far wall, but also (illusory) piles of treasure near the “Time Lord”

Dinosaur Room

Filled with Dinosaurs, as well as prehistoric flora and fauna. They are ornery and their nests and eggs are right in front of the next door to the final room.

Final Room

“Well Done Heroes!  You have earned the incredible treasure of the Time Lord!  First, tell me your names that I might record those who have done so well!”

Halacrcas is behind a force field as he knows people will be super pissed by the time they get here. This is the real deal though and he will reward the party with fabulous wealth, potions of blur and haste as well as Soldier of Fortune, a magical weapon that tells true fortunes for its wielder every time it takes the life of a human.

Additional Encounters

To be used anytime:

The party walks into the room just in time to see their previous selves walk out the room

Another group of adventurers walks in at the same time

Instead of being the normal room in the sequence of progression, it's an ancient scene from myth, an 80s style board room, or a futuristic mars scene.  Door still on other side as normal.

The PCs future selves walk in behind them and offer a hint before leaving

Halacras shows up himself and gives super unhelpful advice (used when PCs are close to figuring something out)

Old guy walks in and starts telling a story

 

Slay the Spire Mechanics

I've been playing and watching a lot of Slay the Spire, a super fun deckbuilding roguelike.  What mechanics can I crib from it for DnD?

I think the two most obvious are the basic scaling mechanics for the first two characters, the Ironclad and the Silent. What I like about these is that they give an obvious time limit for the encounter, as the enemy or the environment is getting more hostile.  I love having timers to give an increased sense of urgency.

Demon Form could be applied to any creature and each turn that creature would clearly become more powerful as the demon inside begins to bust its way out of the mortal shell containing it.  I would give +4 strength (or +2 STR modifier) to that creature every turn. You also have the option to do +3 STR modifier depending on how long your average combat lasts and how many HP your PCs have, so it would get +3 to hit and damage on each of its turns. I like the idea that the party is desperately trying to take down this creature as it howls with pain, becoming monstrously huge and hitting harder and harder.  It should be really apparent that this creature is taking on demonic aspects.   

Next would be Noxious Fumes.  I think this would be a great way to represent a room slowly filling with poisonous gas, or the cumulative effects of being in a polluted area/aura turn by turn.  Once again a timer to encourage rapid decision making.  Each turn they take 2, then 3, then 4, then 5 poison damage, etc.  Or for the upgraded version, 3 then 5 then 7 etc. If you like, even once you get out you would still take 7, then 6, then 5, then 4, etc damage each turn.  

The Defect I'll have to think about.  I have a character based on it and I love the orb idea.  

New Monster: Scapegoat

New Monster Idea: Scapegoat 

When your burdens are too hard to bear, a scapegoat is a perfect solution. Created by magically fusing a goat head onto the body of a screeching goblin, scapegoats are a magical vessel to store your regrets. A wizard can remove their memories in the presence of the scapegoat and transfer them over. 

Usually this takes the form of a small snowglobe that hovers near the scapegoat and replays the scene endlessly, tormenting the scapegoat instead of the wizard. 

Because it's possible to observe the snowglobes and learn about the regrets, and because making one is seen as shameful, they are usually stored in cages deep beneath wizard towers. They have no natural attacks, but each successful hit destroys a memory, releasing powerful magic and playing out the memory for all present (random spell cast on hit) 

I'm using one as the main enemy in a small dungeon, where the wizard/caretaker had too many shameful memories and moved too much of himself over. The Scapegoat became more and more powerful until it was able to overpower him, sucking out remaining memories and leaving him a confused shell of his former self. Now the Scapegoat runs things by manipulation and fear behind the scenes. The return of his memories is the thing the wizard needs most is also what he fears most.

Mandy and Jennifer and Hannah

I believe Mandy and Jennifer and Hannah re: Zak S being abusive.  My post about it will be pretty brief as other people said everything I would say but better. Arnold K has a good collection of people's responses.  Chromatic Cauldron (one of my favorite illustrators in the space) has an excellent personal testimony of the toxicity that he fostered in the community.  I hope we can have a better community and I'm going to work hard to ensure that toxic, misogynist and abusive behavior have no part in any scene I'm in, including DIY DnD.  I'm going to boost good work by good creators, and not overlook anything that seems off.  Less important stuff relating to my choice not to run Zak's material after the jump.

So obviously I've run a lot of Zak's stuff in the past. The sidebar has all the play reports from Red and Pleasant Land, the Waterdeep stuff has tons of material from Vornheim, and I was gearing up to run Maze of the Blue Medusa. I've already bought these books, so it's not a question of supporting him (not going to be buying any books going forward) but rather what to do with the material I already have. I think the short answer is I'm going to hit pause on running any of that material for a long while. A disturbing thing in Mandy's post was about how he was infantilizing her, idolizing her body and not respecting her as a person.  There is a whole section in Maze that mirrors this pretty exactly, and that's got me unhappy enough that I don't want to run any of that stuff until I've had time to read it through, talk with my players and think about what kind of ideas I'm bringing into my elf games. 

Be good to each other, and I want to say thanks to all the women who came forward, I'm sure it was terrifying but we believe you.
 

Light Underground (Emerald Enclave Affiliated)

Reimagining the player factions provided by WOTC to something more specific and imo interesting.

Adventurers have a variety of options if they want to go below ground.  Every dive bar and tomb seems to link to vast underground complexes.  Below this, the molefolk's vast empire offers a warm welcome, clean tunnels, and as many worms as you can eat.  Even deeper, the drow and their various Underdark companions have many secret tunnels and boreholes to link up with the surface.  Keep going, and you'll find vast lightless seas, deep minds, and primordial psionic energies.

What happens if you go beyond that?  According to the Seekers of the Light, you will find yourself emerging inside the hollow earth, to a beautiful interior sun no living surface dweller has seen in eons.

The Seekers of the Light are, to put it simply, digging a hole to the center of the earth. The depth of the hole and what has been found within are tightly controlled secrets.  The druids and naturalists who make up the bulk of the organization's membership speak of the vast unexplored wilderness within the hollow earth as a verdant paradise.  In their mind, this surface world is already irredeemably civilized, spoiled and soft.  They plan to get to the hollow earth first, before the folk with their machines, and do everything they can to keep it wild.

NPCS
Druid named Kola

Treasures
Earth's Mantle

Quests:

1. The druids have found multiple smaller openings leading to so-called "mini suns" in each verdant micro-ecosystem off the main tunnel.  Thousands of new species must be observed, with a high premium on sketches and watercolors as opposed to specimen collection.  The Light Underground can supply a watercolorist if none in the party are skilled.

2. Theo Carrow, a famous big game hunter, has broken into one of these ecosystems and is wreaking havoc.  The party must track him down and return him to the surface, freeing any specimen in captivity and avoiding damage to the local flora and fauna.

3.  At the very bottom of the borehole, the diggers, sappers, and druids work diligently to move earth up through a collection of bucket and pulley systems.  However, a previously unknown race of lizard people have emerged from tunnels below them to attack the crews.  Find and destroy this outpost.

Play Report for Red Death 1

Thank you to Hruk for writing the majority of this play report! 

Faeno – Roguish Rogue

Hruk – Barbarian and Moral Voice

Skeexe – Cleric of Law

Brad – Auditor and Motivational Speaker 

Faeno, Hruk, and Skeexe have been exploring the Dungeon of the Mad Mage and are now ready to exit to Waterdeep. On their return, they find the bucket and rope which traditionally allows them to exit the dungeon unmanned. They climb up into an abandoned bar – the Yawning Portal. The heroes briefly search the empty bar finding a small creepy painting, oil on panel, as well as wine mixed with charcoal. They are drawn outside by the sound of carpentry and screaming. 

Across the street, a group in plague doctor masks are boarding up a building with screams and moans emanating from within. The party engages the men and learn that there has been an outbreak of a mysterious sickness: the "Red Death." The whole neighborhood in Waterdeep has been quarantined off by a mix of hastily assembled fortifications and conjured mage towers. 

Once the quarantineers are gone, Hruk frees the ill from the sick-house who pour out into the street, moaning and vomiting bile.  After quickly ducking back into the Yawning Portal, a note from a learned sage indicating that crushed pearls will help ward off infection is found.

Amongst the rescued infected, a particularly coherent one named Werner Brobe who is able to help identify ground zero for the infection as the keep Count Von Scoon. He gives the party a little gold and says he'll wait for in the Yawning Portal and hope we save the day.

A voice cries out from down the street! 

It is: "BRAD SON OF TOD SON OF CHAD!," a bard sent by a Voscouss Eeben, the Duke Regent, to try to put a stop to this horrible disease. Brad explains his purpose and the heroes agree to help find a way to cure the disease. Upon inspection, Brad realizes his papers only allow him INTO the infected area, not back out.

The heroes start by following Werner's tip on the location of a local oyster market and acquire some more powdered pearls to keep on their persons (the powder will turn black once it has been used up).

On their way to Eshrigel's, our heroes stop briefly to save a woman from a burning tower (looters knocked over a brazier or something). The woman has a note, addressed to Skeexe, from Eshrigel, an eccentric and enigmatic local noblewoman, wife of said Count, and semi-secret medusa, suggesting she knows what is up and giving an address. They also chop down a wooden walkway to contain the fire.

At Eshrigel's manor, there is Hookah and Exposition! It is not a sickness but a curse: brought on by the evil Count's new, rare, evil bird with rubies for eyes. The bird will willingly enter a cage to consume eyeballs that have been removed from the sockets while weeping - see: very evil. Also, the count's whole jam is totally evil. Eshrigel can break the curse if we bring her the live bird. Plus she will give the party magical rewards. Brad pees his pants slightly – intimidated by the medusa - but plays it off.

The party requests the medusa’s fine chiffon dress and Brad plasy the part of a reconciled wife to con their way into Count's keep.  The party makes its way past the servants with intimidation, the nobles with flattery before a cleric insists on accompanying the lady. This cleric is quickly slain once out of earshot and is revealed to be two goblins standing on top of each other.  The top goblin was killed via vicious mockery and produces those sweet sweet crying eyeballs. 

Racing against a timer, the party fights their way to the menagerie. The eyeballs are used to lure the bird into a cage, the Count taken hostage, his guards held off, a siren's charms broken, a crocodile ridden, a window repelled out of, and the bird carried off. 

Back at Eshrigel's manor, she makes good on previous claims and promises: using the bird to break the curse afflicting the city and rewarding the heroes.

Keeping Your NPCs Alive

Inspired by my last game session, where we summoned a wizard from a summoning portal we found, and our rogue and barbarian had readied actions to attack.  My character started to negotiate, the wizard started casting an unknown spell, and he took two crits to the dome and was killed. As our DM pointed out, it was inside his own home and we didn't know that he was going to attack us.  We would be convicted in a court of law for sure.

Let me get this out of the way first: there is no surefire way to keep your NPCs alive.  The players are a bunch of filthy murderhobos and they'll kill anything you put in your campaign, us especially.  Dms that try to save favorite NPCs and deny player agency suck, and our DM called it straight, which feels great as a player.  However, there are ways I've noticed to give your NPCs a fighting chance to at least have a conversation with your players.

I'm thinking about this in the context of a megadungeon.  Really the best way to have NPCs stay alive is to encounter them in a social context where violence is not everyone's first choice.  They still might get iced, but I've had good luck with my PCs not killing annoying princes and vain innkeepers because they're in a social setting and don't want to be outlaws or w/e. But what if you're in a megadungeon and you want them to interact with all your cool NPCs?

The main takeaway is this: Your NPCs need to be insanely good at communicating an unambiguous non-threatening stance.  So insanely good at being non-threatening that it's unrealistic.   

There are two things working against your NPCs that require them to be this unrealistic standard of non-threateningness.

1.  PCs respond to any threat to their control disproportionally, and with violence.  If I had to guess, I would say that wizard was probably casting Greater Invisibility (I didn't know what he was casting in the moment, but we found his spellbook after)  That's showing agency, but it also decreases the PCs ability to control the situation.  Our rogue didn't like that, so he got iced.  Maybe that's cool!  That's likely how it would go down in the 'real world'. People get shot all the time just for running away from the police, or reaching into their pockets. I've had other PCs just kill prisoners for trying to wriggle free of their bonds (Of course, PCs would never expect to get killed just for trying to escape in situations where they are prisoners). It's not fair, in fact, its pretty fucked up. But I don't see it changing (mainly for reason #2 below).

Is there a way that  in the logic of the game that would allow the NPC not to take an action that might decrease control?  Maybe he is so confident in himself that he assumes no one would dare touch him, so he doesn't feel the need (I used this one all the time in Red and Pleasant Land, it's nice because they can still be arrogant and annoying, also see The Scorpion King in Maze of the Blue Medusa).  Maybe he's scared and doesn't want to get killed, so he negotiates.  Maybe he is drunk and thinks the PCs are his long lost friends.  Maybe he's just skilled at de-escalation tactics.  Someone needs to be, and it's sure not going to be the PCs.

2.  If one guy is bloodthirsty, we're all bloodthirsty.  It only takes one PC to initiate combat, and no matter how good they are, my other PCs are never going to stand around and watch their friend fight solo.  For one, its boring.  For two, there is a strong sense of group solidarity build around combat in DnD. To me it just feels wrong to leave my man out to dry, so I'll always back them up in a fight and then discuss it afterward.  So the threat of combat increases with the number and bloodthirstyness of your players. In this case it only took two hits so the point was moot, but I've noticed this in other situations.

I always think of the Boye Repairtee (or however its spelled) from Maze of the Blue Medusa.  They start off every encounter with the PCs by offering cigs and rum.  I'll bet in almost every game, those guys at least have a short conversation with the PCs, because they are super good at getting the convo off on the right foot.  They show their intentions clearly, they offer something of value to get the PCs on their side, and they have a mystery that is intriguing.

I would say any of the following actions will increase your NPCs chance of survival (assuming they are in a tough spot and would probably be killed.  A demon lord or drow would probably never do this stuff)  I'm not saying all NPCs need to be surrender monkeys, just the ones you'd like to have chat with the PCs for a min.

1. Put their hands up
2. Offer food/drink/drugs
3. They have a clear benefit to the PCs
4. They surrender/drop weapons (doesn't work for goblins usually)
5. They have a social connection to one of the PCs.  "Why Faeno is that you?  I knew your father etc."  They could even be lying.
6. Don't take any action that could be seen as threatening
7. They are visibly sick/weak/pathetic
8. They are visibly awesome/rich/cool
9. They greet the PCs "Why hello there! Why have you summoned me?"

There are probably a million other ones. The main point is, PCs are murderhobos, but usually they won't kill Ghandi.

MOONBOY

He is a captive? of Duke Von Skorn, Spymaster to the Regent of Vornheim.  Fortune teller and soothsayer, he is responsible for all the Duke's successes in the brutal world of high-level political intrigue.  Wildly unstable, he threatens all who enter his tower, wildly gesturing and threatening with his anachronistic gun (+7 to hit, 8d8 damage, ignores AC from armor unless its Kevlar). The Duke sends servants to collect advice in exchange for food and high powered telescopes, usually, 1/3 servants are summarily shot.


His predictions are completely accurate if strangely phrased. But he's such a weirdo and so threatening that the PCs will probably kill him.  He has a high pitched, nasally voice and likes to float near the PCs heads and put his gun to their temples. If not attacked he will read their fortunes and demand food.  He will not shoot first.

Another drawing based on our recent sessions.  He Who Craws, GERMANDER THE WURM.  All who displease him will spend eternity in his hyper-craw, digested for eons.

Just a quick drawing of our DnD sesh last night.  Don't forget that your familiar can use the Aid action to give party members advantage!  Well, first don't forget that you have a familiar lol.  Made a big difference.

Bat's name is Sir Pips.  I think our rogue Faeno did around 50 damage with that crit.

Play Report: The Kingdom of Fried Chicken

Had two weeks of downtime from our usual game and decided to run a one-off in the Anomalous Subsurface Environment world. (Post-apocalyptic Americana, obviously Fallout inspired but with more elves)

Our Party

The Colonel (Nicole)
Descended into an open fissure in the earth and found incredible treasure from long ago.  An angel, dressed all in white and with a white beard + kindly smile, told our hero he was the reincarnation of an ancient force for good, and was on this earth to reestablish the Kingdom of Fried Chicken and find the lost 11 secret herbs and spices.

Some sort of powerful angel/force for good in this world

The Heap (Mike)
The HEEEAAAAAPPPPPP.  Wrestler extraordinaire, excels at fixing machines and reactivating lost technology.  Arc Welds every scrap of metal he can find to his already prodigious armor.  Huge Stop Sign on his chest, mailbox flaps in the front and back as his armor is literally impossible to get out of without cracking open like a shell.  Smells bad, presumably.

DJ Sickly (James)
Ear piece and personal amplifier, plus terrifying consumption and constant coughing of blood. (5 CON lol) Quick with a joke or to light up a smoke (really shouldnt be smoking).  From the industrial grunge scene in Denethix, and very trusting of Giant Worms.

The party came to Terrywhile, a small farming town in southwest of the capital city.  They arrived with the Heap pulling their food truck rickshaw style.  The food truck is their base of operations but gas is way too valuable when there is plenty of fried chicken to fuel the Heap.

They found the town abandoned, with a hastily constructed and abandoned barricade up north, an ominous bird mask wearing merchant and wild screams coming from the local house of healing.

They checked out the healer's first, and found him pouring RoundUp into open wounds on a restrained man's chest as bursts of vegetation exploded out from his nostrils, wounds and mouth. The part decided to help, and as treatment went on, the strands of plant matter eeked out long enough strands to form into a face of a woman, all in green.  She spoke to the party and DJ Sickly tried to read her lips (no actual sound was made as no air is being forced through the wind pipe).  The Heap took a frying pan and waves it to get air moving.  Between the two of them they realized she was repeating the phrase "Survive and Thrive" before wilting away.

The party learned that the northern fields had been taken over by a virulent strain of corn, and that the townsfolk there had gone mad. The Bird Masked man told them of the mystical Cornicorn, and said he would pay handsomely for the corn horn.  The party struck a deal to provide the horn in exchange for a limitless supply of biodiesel ethanol for their truck.  They also said they would try to stop the corn infestation.

Heading north through the fields, they came to the Corn Maize and confronted some Coblins, disgusting Goblin/Corn hybrids. After chasing one into a dead end, the walls came alive once more, with the same woman from before's face emerging all over the corn walls in every available inch.  SURVIVE AND THRIVE

The party saved some captives from being eaten by Giant Insects that seem to have grown with the corn.  A giant corn ear emerging from the ground and prisoners left to die on it, exposed to the ravenous and huge insects.

They then found a woman held aloft by the corn, and who seemed to be an avatar for it.  Same woman from the faces.  She told them that some demon had been disturbed by the farming community after they found the demon's lair below a field. The demon wanted only the strongest to survive and had ground all different manner of seeds together and enchanted them with dark magic.  Thus the corn.

The party then found a huge, super disturbing Giant Worm named Germander.  They read cheap romance novels to him and befriended him, even though he had a terrifying and disturbing voice. DJ Sickly got in his mouth and it all worked out fine.  The worm dug down to the lair of the demon and allowed the party to follow, with the Heap using an arc welder to cut his way through the steel exterior of the lair.

There they found a small room with two beds and perfectly folded origami flowers with love poetry on them.  It was clear from the content of the room that a man and a woman lived here long ago.  The party bushwacked through some vines, found a secret spice in the kitchen from hundred of years ago (coriander, now extinct aboveground) and prepared to enter the "AI Server Room."

The party shamelessly used the love poetry and crooning love of the obviously love sick AI to play with his emotions and get him on their side. They also restarted the AI a few times when it wasn't going so well, and once when it was going well by accident.

They recieved new species of insects and new seeds of other plants that would bring balance to the corn.  They left through the spiral staircase in the ceiling and reemerged into the bright sun, ready to fight,

And fight they did, against a huge Mech made out of living corn stalks, a corn ghost and a sentient McDonald's ordering screen that had been taken over by a subroutine of the AI from below.  The "good" AI helped them deal with that one and the Corn Mech did some serious damage before the party seemed ready to win the day.

Then, suddenly, a hush fell on the corn field.  A beautiful Cornicorn, with its beautiful yellow hair, green skin and corn horn peeked out of the stalks.  DJ Sickly reached his hand out tenderly.  However, a random die roll determined that he was not a "corn virgin," as he had eaten corn before. He was spurned.  Then the Heap jumped in, body slammed the Cornicorn and beat it to death with his wrenches.  The party got a secret herb, the cornicorn horn, and all the biodiesel they needed by planting beans and squash and using natural pest control.  Well done!







 6 that also serves

The Mythical Cornicorn

A rare eyewitness drawing of the mythical Cornicorn  

The Cornicorn is a beautiful and elusive creature, at home in the vast monocultures of domesticated corn. 

It is attracted to virgin soil.  If a field of earth that has never before been cultivated is freshly plowed and the soil bared to the full moonlight, the Cornicorn may appear.  All its fierceness will cease and it will lay its horn into the earth.  Thus quieted it is easily caught. If the Cornicorn is not disturbed the field will produce a bountiful harvest of corn next season. 

The corn of the Cornicorn's horn can be safely removed without harming the animal, and the resulting corn can have various magical properties depending on the preparation.  The most common refrain is that eating of the corn will cure erectile dysfunction.  Many kings and nobles have sponsored discreet adventuring parties to secure this magical corn.

Stats: As Unicorn in your system.

Final R&PL Session Recap + Epilogue

Final Session Recap

The party took a single step through the mirror and realized the current layout would make it impossible to fight the Red King and the doppelgangers.  They decided to change the layout and headed back to the various rooms in order to create a zig-zag pattern.  Before they could leave the inner sancum, they ran into Tizdala who demanded to know why Jarreth had not kept his vow to slay the traitorous Ildana.  Jarreth claimed that he was having to untangle his oaths to the gods before harming a Lady.  Tizdala cheerfully told Jarreth that the gods could not see this forsaken realm, and he should consider all oaths void. The party was able to rearrange the battlefield and head inward.

The battle itself was slow and cautious.  Each Briv became trapped in a forcecage created by their opposing Rhogar.  Each Ghrax rained havoc as long range artillery.  After some stalling, the two Jarreths entered battle like two knights in a trial of combat.  The real Twig, revealing that perhaps he knew a bit more about this realm then he let on, came up with a clever mirror trick to free Briv. Then the Red King aggressively pressured the party and was heavily damaged by Twig when he overextended himself.

At this moment there was a ripping sound as the room walls were torn apart from the outside like wrapping paper.  The party, the Red King and all his dopplegangers were being unwrapped in the court of the Queen of Hearts.  The whole extended room was a birdcage lying on a table in the court room, as the court of the Queen of Hearts cheered and booed them.  After Briv drove the final blow into the Red King (with a sword rather than a stake), the Red King turned back into a pawn and the Ultra Duke and Ildana swooped in from the Queen of Hearts’ court to try and lay claim to the Red Throne.  Jarreth cried for assurance from the Queen of Hearts that she would uphold her bargain if the throne were claimed and she assented.  Jarreth then, to the Queen of Hearts’ chagrin, called the Duchess to the room with her pendant.

As the three Vampires closed in on the King’s piece, Twig decided to cause some chaos and shot it off the pedestal and to the grate below.  After a tussle, Twig ended up with the piece.  Twig first sought a way to destroy the piece or have the Queen of Hearts’ court turn against her but settled for Jarreth’s suggestion of extortion.  With the Ultra Duke and the Duchess each promising power in this forsaken realm and Ildana promising wealth beyond measure, the party chose the latter.  Ildana sucked the red color from the pawn and became the new Red Monarch.  Ildana and Twig exchanged some quiet dialogue implying he may have been in on it all along.

The party collected sizable rewards.
15,000 gp
The Wanderer - a priceless pearl necklace owned by every royal card house in turn
An Interior Doorway in the Red Queen's Castle - Can't take it with you, but it is named after you. You have a fancy deed to it.
A Map - Explaining how to get back to Voivodja from the Neverember stables or any crossroads.
Annoying Money -10,000 gp worth of expired currency, debased coinage, old IOUs and subprime mortgages. Some stuff that looks like space money?  No one will take this.
Ferme Generale - Confusingly, a letter from the Pale King authorizing you to collect a tax on his behalf as part of a complex tax farming scheme. The party is authorized to collect Snails Tax from any snails they encounter.
Animals - The party is given a Squirrel, Elephant, Squid, Ocelot, and a Loach

Each hero also took an item that struck their fancy :

·       Rhogar claimed a magical globe that would become linked to his ship;

·       Briv found a mirrored shield that could answer all sorts of questions, should they be posed in rhyme;

·       Twig was promised the stolen slippers of the Red Queen;

·       Ghrax received powerful Ioun stones that could hold magical energy; and

·       Jarreth took a strange set of playing cards, with mirrored backs and whose card faces would change to reflect the politics of the realm beyond the looking glass.

Epilogues for Jarreth and Kvothe 

Kvothe

Kvothe woke with a lump on his head and a pain in his gut.  He was in a familiar inn room in Neverwinter, but couldn’t quite remember how he had gotten there.  A strange looking wind-up toy soldier sat on top of a note.  The note read:

“My friend Kvothe, 

I apologize for the lump on the head.  I had hoped that the poison would have rendered you unconscious, but your constitution is much hardier than I anticipated, and thus the blow.  I do owe you an explanation and I am afraid it may not paint me in the best of light, but I feared what the court of the Red Queen had done to you.  I thought incapacitating you and removing you from that land might bring you to your senses.  If after some time has passed, you still wish to return and enter the service of the Ultra Duke, and you wish my assistance in doing so, you need but wind up the toy soldier and it will lead you to me as long it contains my drop of blood in its core.  I owe you at least that much.  If you do not wish to return, at least the toy soldier will be a reminder of our time beyond.

-Jarreth, the Knight of Tapestries”

"Immortality. That was the reason for all of this. Why else would one swear service to an insane vampire Duke? But this? What the hell had taken a hold of me? Charmed once too many times? Did being drained by one of those monsters have unforseen effects? And thank Titania for that drunk Dragonborn. There is a debt there to be paid, who knows what I would have done if he had not clocked me and dragged me out of there? I would not have gone willingly. Wait, did I eat human flesh while I was there?"

Kvothe stumbled to the lone window in the room and wretched the meager contents of his stomach onto the landing below.

"No more adventuring for a while, perhaps something quiet? Neverwinter could use another tinkerer I suppose. But what of the giants and his comrades in arms? They should not be left shorthanded. Ah, I think I know just the one to take my place . . ."

Jarreth

After leaving a hefty bag of strange gemstones with the master of the orphanage, Jarreth mentally checked off his last errand in Neverwinter.  While he could never cleanse his soul, gods willing he might be able to at least forget the whole thing if he never saw this forsaken city again.  He picked a direction and started walking.  

Many days later, as he sat beside a campfire fiddling with his pocket loom, he caught a strange reflection in one of the playing cards he had been absent-mindedly reviewing.  Wait a minute, what was I doing again?  I thought I had left this buried under an old oak tree.

He looked back into the mirror and saw the headless king.  He felt a twang of guilt for the old vampire, after all he had kind of, sort of, promised to help him out or something.  He took another long drink of spirits and the image disappeared.  Only took two bottles tonight, I’ll break the son-of-a-bitch yet, he thought to himself as he climbed into his sleeping bag carefully embroidered with a scene of vampires playing croquet.

A New Era

I never got into G+.  Now I don't ever have to, but I am going to make an effort to participate more in the OSR social scene instead of looking on from the sidelines. This will take the form of working up a few of my adventures into better-formatted documents and listing them on the sides, attempting to share my posts more widely with the community and generally making an effort to grow the readership.  I have 0 designs on making it more professional, but I want to engage more with the community for my hobby. Hopefully this will also dovetail with increased art production as well.

R&PL Session #4 & 5

Thank you Josh for writing the play report!  

Our Quite Large Party

Jarreth - Drunken Fighter, Tapestry Knight

Kvothe - Pro-Vampire Thief, Aligned with the Ultraduke

Darvin - Warlock, devoted servant of Blackrazor

Rhogar - Charming Bard, wielder of Wave

Briv - Headstrong Barbarian

Ghrax Glittereyes - Sorcerer Supreme

Twig - Man Out of Time

Griff Two-Eyes - Cleric and 2x Ocular Award Winner 

The party, newly bolstered in ranks, spied the castle of the Red King.  Noting its formidable defenses, including a moat of blood, savage crocodiles, Rooks and green pigs up on parapets, they opted to figure out a stealth approach.  Briv focused his inner totemic power to commune with the hideous carrion birds that flew above and spied a number of facts about the surrounding area.  Armed with this knowledge, the party sought out a short route and planned to use the magic powers of Ghrax and Kvothe to turn the entire party invisible.  Slightly before doing so, Jarreth granted himself the power to see invisibility and discovered their missing companion Darvin, was in fact not missing.

The party invisibly scaled the walls of the castle, snuck past the Rooks and pigs and then crossed a ten foot gap to the roof of the inner castle.  Based on Briv’s divinations they snuck over to a fortified tower that seemed suspiciously like the Red King’s lair and had Kvothe investigate.  Kvothe performed a perhaps cursory investigation and found no sign of the Red King.  The party then decided to head into the castle itself to investigate.  Griff Two-Eyes used the power of his gods to shape a hole in the castle roof and the party headed down to discover a well-appointed room with a strange floor that turned out to be made of water.  Upon hearing the entry of a Bishop and pawn, most of the party dove under the water and made for a door on the floor.  One or two of the party members overheard the Bishop berating the pawn for allowing a breach of security, they then joined the party underwater and the party entered through the door.

The party quickly came upon a group of pawns and proceeded to murder both them and the swarms of gnats they turned into.  One of the swarms turned into a pawn which was pocketed by Jarreth.  The party then discovered a strange room with four portraits that appeared to be portals to elsewhere in the castle.  After opening one of the portals the party was attacked by another swarm of pawns that was relatively easily defeated.  Most of the party headed through the portal behind the “clown” portrait.  On the other side of the portal were three doors, one a locked door with the image of a pawn and the other two unlocked doors.  The party attempted to open one of the doors before being called back as one of the brides of the Red King had appeared and questioned the party.  Jarreth made some minor conversation with her before she continued on her way, possibly alarming the Red King to the party’s presence (although the bride seemed not to know where the Red King was).

The party then headed into one of the rooms in the Pawn room and entered the “hall of turning” which seemed to be a trapped room.  After a velvet pawn emerged from the wall the party lit it on fire and managed to kill it before suffocating to death.  A new person appeared, a Halfling name Twig, who claimed that he was sent from one week in the future by the party to help them escape.  Twig managed to lead the party out of the hall of turning by following a moth.  The party tried the other door and discovered a strange room where any person who entered created 4 clockwork versions of them.  After much trial and error the party got rid of the most pernicious duplicates and then murdered some of the less impressive duplicates to discover a key to open the locked pawn door.  Inside the locked pawn door the party discovered a brass key and a chess board with some seemingly random pieces on the board.  The party moved some of the white pawns about (the only pieces that could be moved) and then added their red pawn to the board.  Nothing bad could happen.

The party then headed into the knight room, which was nearly identical to the pawn room (1 locked door, 2 unlocked doors).  Briv and Rhogar checked out a room that had a thick layer of fell smelling bile on the floor and were ambushed by 5 knights.  They managed to successfully retreat and checked out the other door which turned out to be the “War Room.”  A room that had a model replica of this plane.  While checking out the room the third as of yet unmet bride entered into the knight room through the portal.

R&PL Play Report #5

Just like time in the Red and Pleasant Land, these play reports are out of order. I'm still catching up but thought I'd write last session's report today while it is still fresh in my mind.

The party finished talking with Illona last week, and she walked out of frame, leaving the party in the cube room with paintings on every side of the cube.  The paintings were a clown, a battle, a tower and, a cardinal.  The party removed the clown painting and climbed into the cube through the 2x3 foot hole behind the painting.

Inside, Rhogar listened at the door to the Turning Hall, with a moth climbing out of the key hole and into his ear hole, very unpleasant.  They went through the western door into the Turning Hall, walking down the narrow hallway as it turned back and forth.  The hall was sumptuously decorated like an extremely upscale Viennese hotel, but smelled slightly of mothballs and dust.  After following the winding path for a while, they came to a dead end.  After investigating the dead end and looking for secret doors, the party walked back, only to find another wall where once there was a door. They were trapped.

Assume everything looks like this

After some debate, they investigated the final wall again, to have a pawn, made completely of striped, living fabric, emerge from the walls to attack Rhogar.  The party quickly started to light this fabric beast on fire, ignoring the smoke as it filled the narrow, closed off hallway.  Rhogar decimated the beast with Wave, necrotizing half its body.  They were able to defeat the beast without dying of asphyxiation.

Still trapped in the hallway, a loud CRACK announced the arrival of a new PC, Twig.  Twig had been sent from one week in the future, he told the party, by the party to aid their past selves. Twig also claimed he was super important to their quest according to the future party.  The past party, wary of vampire tricks, was about to kill him when he stated that he knew the way out of the Turning Hall. 

"Follow the moths"

Us?

The party, after unsuccessfully looking in Rhogar's ear, found some moths hiding in a dusty old curtain and set them loose.  When they looked up from the moth hunting they found that the Turning Hall wall that blocked them before was gone and headed deeper into the Turning Hall.   Then, after walking deeper and deeper into the Turning Hall, they found themselves back at the entrance where they started. The party discussed among itself and agreed that this was the perfect introduction to this land for the newcomers.  "Confusing, dangerous, and pointless." 

The party then entered the Decagon Room, inaccurately called the Octagon by the ignorant. Golems in red cloaks surrounded Briv and prevented him from leaving. Twig shot an arrow at one and was immediately struck by four arrows from his own golems, which appeared instantly. He then lay down for a while, careful of his arrow wounds.  The party eventually figure out that healing spells made the golems disappear, removed Briv's golems and had Briv rip apart Twig's golems, finding inside all sorts of treasures and many animals including an ocelot, a penguin, a bear, a boar, and a lobster. 

Twig also found a miniature cube of hands, a wedding ring and an engagement draft.  He proposed to the cube of hands and had his proposal accepted by the skittering cube.  It placed the ring around one of its miniture forearms and skittered around the body of its new fiancee. It attached a hand via glossamer string to Twig's ring finger and went into his backpack. 

The party then got a key from the destroyed golems and opened the Pawn Room. They found a chess board within with black and white pieces, and moved the pawns around and argued for a bit.  They then took a red pawn they had captured in chesspiece form and placed it in the chess board.  It stuck, and now there are three colors of pieces on the chess board.  They also took the brass key. 

Finally, they entered the knight room and walked into a low archive full of puss, blood, and viscera up to their waists.  Rhogar used Wave to Moses away some of the liquid around him in a 5 foot cube, bringing Briv with him. A bunch of knight vampires ambushed them, obviously.  Surprisingly, Rhogar was able to get out without being grappled, and Briv was only slightly charmed. (By Scales, an old friend who seems to have become a vampyr, plus he changed his race, facial features, and language).   

The party closed the door and shuddered, keeping Briv far away from the door, and investigated the northern room.  They found a large, interconnected Rube Goldberg Machine, chessboard and puppet show detailing the current location of puppet/doll figures representing everything in Vovoidja. Kvothe started to cut off the top of the Looking Glass Palace (Castle Poenari) and heard a loud echoing sawing sound from elsewhere in the castle. Before the party could continue a bright and sing-song voice echoed out from the 2x3 foot painting entrance.  Tizdala, wearing a wedding dress and with large spikes at odd angles from her immaculately coiffed hair called out to the party and we decided to end the session here.