Sunday, January 20, 2019

Another drawing based on our recent sessions.  He Who Craws, GERMANDER THE WURM.  All who displease him will spend eternity in his hyper-craw, digested for eons.

Monday, January 7, 2019

Just a quick drawing of our DnD sesh last night.  Don't forget that your familiar can use the Aid action to give party members advantage!  Well, first don't forget that you have a familiar lol.  Made a big difference.

Bat's name is Sir Pips.  I think our rogue Faeno did around 50 damage with that crit.

Wednesday, January 2, 2019

Play Report: The Kingdom of Fried Chicken

Had two weeks of downtime from our usual game and decided to run a one-off in the Anomalous Subsurface Environment world. (Post-apocalyptic Americana, obviously Fallout inspired but with more elves)

Our Party

The Colonel (Nicole)
Descended into an open fissure in the earth and found incredible treasure from long ago.  An angel, dressed all in white and with a white beard + kindly smile, told our hero he was the reincarnation of an ancient force for good, and was on this earth to reestablish the Kingdom of Fried Chicken and find the lost 11 secret herbs and spices.

Some sort of powerful angel/force for good in this world
The Heap (Mike)
The HEEEAAAAAPPPPPP.  Wrestler extraordinaire, excels at fixing machines and reactivating lost technology.  Arc Welds every scrap of metal he can find to his already prodigious armor.  Huge Stop Sign on his chest, mailbox flaps in the front and back as his armor is literally impossible to get out of without cracking open like a shell.  Smells bad, presumably.

DJ Sickly (James)
Ear piece and personal amplifier, plus terrifying consumption and constant coughing of blood. (5 CON lol) Quick with a joke or to light up a smoke (really shouldnt be smoking).  From the industrial grunge scene in Denethix, and very trusting of Giant Worms.

The party came to Terrywhile, a small farming town in southwest of the capital city.  They arrived with the Heap pulling their food truck rickshaw style.  The food truck is their base of operations but gas is way too valuable when there is plenty of fried chicken to fuel the Heap.

They found the town abandoned, with a hastily constructed and abandoned barricade up north, an ominous bird mask wearing merchant and wild screams coming from the local house of healing.

They checked out the healer's first, and found him pouring RoundUp into open wounds on a restrained man's chest as bursts of vegetation exploded out from his nostrils, wounds and mouth. The part decided to help, and as treatment went on, the strands of plant matter eeked out long enough strands to form into a face of a woman, all in green.  She spoke to the party and DJ Sickly tried to read her lips (no actual sound was made as no air is being forced through the wind pipe).  The Heap took a frying pan and waves it to get air moving.  Between the two of them they realized she was repeating the phrase "Survive and Thrive" before wilting away.

The party learned that the northern fields had been taken over by a virulent strain of corn, and that the townsfolk there had gone mad. The Bird Masked man told them of the mystical Cornicorn, and said he would pay handsomely for the corn horn.  The party struck a deal to provide the horn in exchange for a limitless supply of biodiesel ethanol for their truck.  They also said they would try to stop the corn infestation.

Heading north through the fields, they came to the Corn Maize and confronted some Coblins, disgusting Goblin/Corn hybrids. After chasing one into a dead end, the walls came alive once more, with the same woman from before's face emerging all over the corn walls in every available inch.  SURVIVE AND THRIVE

The party saved some captives from being eaten by Giant Insects that seem to have grown with the corn.  A giant corn ear emerging from the ground and prisoners left to die on it, exposed to the ravenous and huge insects.

They then found a woman held aloft by the corn, and who seemed to be an avatar for it.  Same woman from the faces.  She told them that some demon had been disturbed by the farming community after they found the demon's lair below a field. The demon wanted only the strongest to survive and had ground all different manner of seeds together and enchanted them with dark magic.  Thus the corn.

The party then found a huge, super disturbing Giant Worm named Germander.  They read cheap romance novels to him and befriended him, even though he had a terrifying and disturbing voice. DJ Sickly got in his mouth and it all worked out fine.  The worm dug down to the lair of the demon and allowed the party to follow, with the Heap using an arc welder to cut his way through the steel exterior of the lair.

There they found a small room with two beds and perfectly folded origami flowers with love poetry on them.  It was clear from the content of the room that a man and a woman lived here long ago.  The party bushwacked through some vines, found a secret spice in the kitchen from hundred of years ago (coriander, now extinct aboveground) and prepared to enter the "AI Server Room."

The party shamelessly used the love poetry and crooning love of the obviously love sick AI to play with his emotions and get him on their side. They also restarted the AI a few times when it wasn't going so well, and once when it was going well by accident.

They recieved new species of insects and new seeds of other plants that would bring balance to the corn.  They left through the spiral staircase in the ceiling and reemerged into the bright sun, ready to fight,

And fight they did, against a huge Mech made out of living corn stalks, a corn ghost and a sentient McDonald's ordering screen that had been taken over by a subroutine of the AI from below.  The "good" AI helped them deal with that one and the Corn Mech did some serious damage before the party seemed ready to win the day.

Then, suddenly, a hush fell on the corn field.  A beautiful Cornicorn, with its beautiful yellow hair, green skin and corn horn peeked out of the stalks.  DJ Sickly reached his hand out tenderly.  However, a random die roll determined that he was not a "corn virgin," as he had eaten corn before. He was spurned.  Then the Heap jumped in, body slammed the Cornicorn and beat it to death with his wrenches.  The party got a secret herb, the cornicorn horn, and all the biodiesel they needed by planting beans and squash and using natural pest control.  Well done!

 6 that also serves

Wednesday, November 14, 2018

The Mythical Cornicorn

A rare eyewitness drawing of the mythical Cornicorn  
The Cornicorn is a beautiful and elusive creature, at home in the vast monocultures of domesticated corn. 

It is attracted to virgin soil.  If a field of earth that has never before been cultivated is freshly plowed and the soil bared to the full moonlight, the Cornicorn may appear.  All its fierceness will cease and it will lay its horn into the earth.  Thus quieted it is easily caught. If the Cornicorn is not disturbed the field will produce a bountiful harvest of corn next season. 

The corn of the Cornicorn's horn can be safely removed without harming the animal, and the resulting corn can have various magical properties depending on the preparation.  The most common refrain is that eating of the corn will cure erectile dysfunction.  Many kings and nobles have sponsored discreet adventuring parties to secure this magical corn.

Stats: As Unicorn in your system.

Tuesday, October 23, 2018

Final R&PL Session Recap + Epilogue

Final Session Recap

The party took a single step through the mirror and realized the current layout would make it impossible to fight the Red King and the doppelgangers.  They decided to change the layout and headed back to the various rooms in order to create a zig-zag pattern.  Before they could leave the inner sancum, they ran into Tizdala who demanded to know why Jarreth had not kept his vow to slay the traitorous Ildana.  Jarreth claimed that he was having to untangle his oaths to the gods before harming a Lady.  Tizdala cheerfully told Jarreth that the gods could not see this forsaken realm, and he should consider all oaths void. The party was able to rearrange the battlefield and head inward.

The battle itself was slow and cautious.  Each Briv became trapped in a forcecage created by their opposing Rhogar.  Each Ghrax rained havoc as long range artillery.  After some stalling, the two Jarreths entered battle like two knights in a trial of combat.  The real Twig, revealing that perhaps he knew a bit more about this realm then he let on, came up with a clever mirror trick to free Briv. Then the Red King aggressively pressured the party and was heavily damaged by Twig when he overextended himself.

At this moment there was a ripping sound as the room walls were torn apart from the outside like wrapping paper.  The party, the Red King and all his dopplegangers were being unwrapped in the court of the Queen of Hearts.  The whole extended room was a birdcage lying on a table in the court room, as the court of the Queen of Hearts cheered and booed them.  After Briv drove the final blow into the Red King (with a sword rather than a stake), the Red King turned back into a pawn and the Ultra Duke and Ildana swooped in from the Queen of Hearts’ court to try and lay claim to the Red Throne.  Jarreth cried for assurance from the Queen of Hearts that she would uphold her bargain if the throne were claimed and she assented.  Jarreth then, to the Queen of Hearts’ chagrin, called the Duchess to the room with her pendant.

As the three Vampires closed in on the King’s piece, Twig decided to cause some chaos and shot it off the pedestal and to the grate below.  After a tussle, Twig ended up with the piece.  Twig first sought a way to destroy the piece or have the Queen of Hearts’ court turn against her but settled for Jarreth’s suggestion of extortion.  With the Ultra Duke and the Duchess each promising power in this forsaken realm and Ildana promising wealth beyond measure, the party chose the latter.  Ildana sucked the red color from the pawn and became the new Red Monarch.  Ildana and Twig exchanged some quiet dialogue implying he may have been in on it all along.

The party collected sizable rewards.
15,000 gp
The Wanderer - a priceless pearl necklace owned by every royal card house in turn
An Interior Doorway in the Red Queen's Castle - Can't take it with you, but it is named after you. You have a fancy deed to it.
A Map - Explaining how to get back to Voivodja from the Neverember stables or any crossroads.
Annoying Money -10,000 gp worth of expired currency, debased coinage, old IOUs and subprime mortgages. Some stuff that looks like space money?  No one will take this.
Ferme Generale - Confusingly, a letter from the Pale King authorizing you to collect a tax on his behalf as part of a complex tax farming scheme. The party is authorized to collect Snails Tax from any snails they encounter.
Animals - The party is given a Squirrel, Elephant, Squid, Ocelot, and a Loach

Each hero also took an item that struck their fancy :

·       Rhogar claimed a magical globe that would become linked to his ship;
·       Briv found a mirrored shield that could answer all sorts of questions, should they be posed in rhyme;
·       Twig was promised the stolen slippers of the Red Queen;
·       Ghrax received powerful Ioun stones that could hold magical energy; and
·       Jarreth took a strange set of playing cards, with mirrored backs and whose card faces would change to reflect the politics of the realm beyond the looking glass.

Epilogues for Jarreth and Kvothe 


Kvothe woke with a lump on his head and a pain in his gut.  He was in a familiar inn room in Neverwinter, but couldn’t quite remember how he had gotten there.  A strange looking wind-up toy soldier sat on top of a note.  The note read:

“My friend Kvothe, 

I apologize for the lump on the head.  I had hoped that the poison would have rendered you unconscious, but your constitution is much hardier than I anticipated, and thus the blow.  I do owe you an explanation and I am afraid it may not paint me in the best of light, but I feared what the court of the Red Queen had done to you.  I thought incapacitating you and removing you from that land might bring you to your senses.  If after some time has passed, you still wish to return and enter the service of the Ultra Duke, and you wish my assistance in doing so, you need but wind up the toy soldier and it will lead you to me as long it contains my drop of blood in its core.  I owe you at least that much.  If you do not wish to return, at least the toy soldier will be a reminder of our time beyond.

-Jarreth, the Knight of Tapestries”

"Immortality. That was the reason for all of this. Why else would one swear service to an insane vampire Duke? But this? What the hell had taken a hold of me? Charmed once too many times? Did being drained by one of those monsters have unforseen effects? And thank Titania for that drunk Dragonborn. There is a debt there to be paid, who knows what I would have done if he had not clocked me and dragged me out of there? I would not have gone willingly. Wait, did I eat human flesh while I was there?"

Kvothe stumbled to the lone window in the room and wretched the meager contents of his stomach onto the landing below.

"No more adventuring for a while, perhaps something quiet? Neverwinter could use another tinkerer I suppose. But what of the giants and his comrades in arms? They should not be left shorthanded. Ah, I think I know just the one to take my place . . ."


After leaving a hefty bag of strange gemstones with the master of the orphanage, Jarreth mentally checked off his last errand in Neverwinter.  While he could never cleanse his soul, gods willing he might be able to at least forget the whole thing if he never saw this forsaken city again.  He picked a direction and started walking.  

Many days later, as he sat beside a campfire fiddling with his pocket loom, he caught a strange reflection in one of the playing cards he had been absent-mindedly reviewing.  Wait a minute, what was I doing again?  I thought I had left this buried under an old oak tree.

He looked back into the mirror and saw the headless king.  He felt a twang of guilt for the old vampire, after all he had kind of, sort of, promised to help him out or something.  He took another long drink of spirits and the image disappeared.  Only took two bottles tonight, I’ll break the son-of-a-bitch yet, he thought to himself as he climbed into his sleeping bag carefully embroidered with a scene of vampires playing croquet.

Tuesday, October 9, 2018

A New Era

I never got into G+.  Now I don't ever have to, but I am going to make an effort to participate more in the OSR social scene instead of looking on from the sidelines. This will take the form of working up a few of my adventures into better-formatted documents and listing them on the sides, attempting to share my posts more widely with the community and generally making an effort to grow the readership.  I have 0 designs on making it more professional, but I want to engage more with the community for my hobby. Hopefully this will also dovetail with increased art production as well.

Wednesday, October 3, 2018

R&PL Session #4 & 5

Thank you Josh for writing the play report!  

Our Quite Large Party
Jarreth - Drunken Fighter, Tapestry Knight
Kvothe - Pro-Vampire Thief, Aligned with the Ultraduke
Darvin - Warlock, devoted servant of Blackrazor
Rhogar - Charming Bard, wielder of Wave
Briv - Headstrong Barbarian
Ghrax Glittereyes - Sorcerer Supreme
Twig - Man Out of Time
Griff Two-Eyes - Cleric and 2x Ocular Award Winner 

The party, newly bolstered in ranks, spied the castle of the Red King.  Noting its formidable defenses, including a moat of blood, savage crocodiles, Rooks and green pigs up on parapets, they opted to figure out a stealth approach.  Briv focused his inner totemic power to commune with the hideous carrion birds that flew above and spied a number of facts about the surrounding area.  Armed with this knowledge, the party sought out a short route and planned to use the magic powers of Ghrax and Kvothe to turn the entire party invisible.  Slightly before doing so, Jarreth granted himself the power to see invisibility and discovered their missing companion Darvin, was in fact not missing.

The party invisibly scaled the walls of the castle, snuck past the Rooks and pigs and then crossed a ten foot gap to the roof of the inner castle.  Based on Briv’s divinations they snuck over to a fortified tower that seemed suspiciously like the Red King’s lair and had Kvothe investigate.  Kvothe performed a perhaps cursory investigation and found no sign of the Red King.  The party then decided to head into the castle itself to investigate.  Griff Two-Eyes used the power of his gods to shape a hole in the castle roof and the party headed down to discover a well-appointed room with a strange floor that turned out to be made of water.  Upon hearing the entry of a Bishop and pawn, most of the party dove under the water and made for a door on the floor.  One or two of the party members overheard the Bishop berating the pawn for allowing a breach of security, they then joined the party underwater and the party entered through the door.

The party quickly came upon a group of pawns and proceeded to murder both them and the swarms of gnats they turned into.  One of the swarms turned into a pawn which was pocketed by Jarreth.  The party then discovered a strange room with four portraits that appeared to be portals to elsewhere in the castle.  After opening one of the portals the party was attacked by another swarm of pawns that was relatively easily defeated.  Most of the party headed through the portal behind the “clown” portrait.  On the other side of the portal were three doors, one a locked door with the image of a pawn and the other two unlocked doors.  The party attempted to open one of the doors before being called back as one of the brides of the Red King had appeared and questioned the party.  Jarreth made some minor conversation with her before she continued on her way, possibly alarming the Red King to the party’s presence (although the bride seemed not to know where the Red King was).

The party then headed into one of the rooms in the Pawn room and entered the “hall of turning” which seemed to be a trapped room.  After a velvet pawn emerged from the wall the party lit it on fire and managed to kill it before suffocating to death.  A new person appeared, a Halfling name Twig, who claimed that he was sent from one week in the future by the party to help them escape.  Twig managed to lead the party out of the hall of turning by following a moth.  The party tried the other door and discovered a strange room where any person who entered created 4 clockwork versions of them.  After much trial and error the party got rid of the most pernicious duplicates and then murdered some of the less impressive duplicates to discover a key to open the locked pawn door.  Inside the locked pawn door the party discovered a brass key and a chess board with some seemingly random pieces on the board.  The party moved some of the white pawns about (the only pieces that could be moved) and then added their red pawn to the board.  Nothing bad could happen.

The party then headed into the knight room, which was nearly identical to the pawn room (1 locked door, 2 unlocked doors).  Briv and Rhogar checked out a room that had a thick layer of fell smelling bile on the floor and were ambushed by 5 knights.  They managed to successfully retreat and checked out the other door which turned out to be the “War Room.”  A room that had a model replica of this plane.  While checking out the room the third as of yet unmet bride entered into the knight room through the portal.

Monday, October 1, 2018

R&PL Play Report #5

Just like time in the Red and Pleasant Land, these play reports are out of order. I'm still catching up but thought I'd write last session's report today while it is still fresh in my mind.

The party finished talking with Illona last week, and she walked out of frame, leaving the party in the cube room with paintings on every side of the cube.  The paintings were a clown, a battle, a tower and, a cardinal.  The party removed the clown painting and climbed into the cube through the 2x3 foot hole behind the painting.

Inside, Rhogar listened at the door to the Turning Hall, with a moth climbing out of the key hole and into his ear hole, very unpleasant.  They went through the western door into the Turning Hall, walking down the narrow hallway as it turned back and forth.  The hall was sumptuously decorated like an extremely upscale Viennese hotel, but smelled slightly of mothballs and dust.  After following the winding path for a while, they came to a dead end.  After investigating the dead end and looking for secret doors, the party walked back, only to find another wall where once there was a door. They were trapped.

Assume everything looks like this

After some debate, they investigated the final wall again, to have a pawn, made completely of striped, living fabric, emerge from the walls to attack Rhogar.  The party quickly started to light this fabric beast on fire, ignoring the smoke as it filled the narrow, closed off hallway.  Rhogar decimated the beast with Wave, necrotizing half its body.  They were able to defeat the beast without dying of asphyxiation.

Still trapped in the hallway, a loud CRACK announced the arrival of a new PC, Twig.  Twig had been sent from one week in the future, he told the party, by the party to aid their past selves. Twig also claimed he was super important to their quest according to the future party.  The past party, wary of vampire tricks, was about to kill him when he stated that he knew the way out of the Turning Hall. 

"Follow the moths"

The party, after unsuccessfully looking in Rhogar's ear, found some moths hiding in a dusty old curtain and set them loose.  When they looked up from the moth hunting they found that the Turning Hall wall that blocked them before was gone and headed deeper into the Turning Hall.   Then, after walking deeper and deeper into the Turning Hall, they found themselves back at the entrance where they started. The party discussed among itself and agreed that this was the perfect introduction to this land for the newcomers.  "Confusing, dangerous, and pointless." 

The party then entered the Decagon Room, inaccurately called the Octagon by the ignorant. Golems in red cloaks surrounded Briv and prevented him from leaving. Twig shot an arrow at one and was immediately struck by four arrows from his own golems, which appeared instantly. He then lay down for a while, careful of his arrow wounds.  The party eventually figure out that healing spells made the golems disappear, removed Briv's golems and had Briv rip apart Twig's golems, finding inside all sorts of treasures and many animals including an ocelot, a penguin, a bear, a boar, and a lobster. 

Twig also found a miniature cube of hands, a wedding ring and an engagement draft.  He proposed to the cube of hands and had his proposal accepted by the skittering cube.  It placed the ring around one of its miniture forearms and skittered around the body of its new fiancee. It attached a hand via glossamer string to Twig's ring finger and went into his backpack. 

The party then got a key from the destroyed golems and opened the Pawn Room. They found a chess board within with black and white pieces, and moved the pawns around and argued for a bit.  They then took a red pawn they had captured in chesspiece form and placed it in the chess board.  It stuck, and now there are three colors of pieces on the chess board.  They also took the brass key. 

Finally, they entered the knight room and walked into a low archive full of puss, blood, and viscera up to their waists.  Rhogar used Wave to Moses away some of the liquid around him in a 5 foot cube, bringing Briv with him. A bunch of knight vampires ambushed them, obviously.  Surprisingly, Rhogar was able to get out without being grappled, and Briv was only slightly charmed. (By Scales, an old friend who seems to have become a vampyr, plus he changed his race, facial features, and language).   

The party closed the door and shuddered, keeping Briv far away from the door, and investigated the northern room.  They found a large, interconnected Rube Goldberg Machine, chessboard and puppet show detailing the current location of puppet/doll figures representing everything in Vovoidja. Kvothe started to cut off the top of the Looking Glass Palace (Castle Poenari) and heard a loud echoing sawing sound from elsewhere in the castle. Before the party could continue a bright and sing-song voice echoed out from the 2x3 foot painting entrance.  Tizdala, wearing a wedding dress and with large spikes at odd angles from her immaculately coiffed hair called out to the party and we decided to end the session here. 

Monday, September 24, 2018

R&PL Play Report 3

Image result for suicide king

OK I need to type up a short play report on these two sessions so I can reasonably assign a player to do #5.  It's been a few weeks so it's going to be somewhat cursory.

The party (Kvothe, Jarreth and the Pudding) attended the masque of the Queen of Hearts, seeing a variety of notable court personages, including the Pseudoturtle, The Dutchess (young and beautiful distant relation of the Queen), The UltraDuke (Suicide King themed courtly love romantic interest for the Queen), the Mad Hatter (agent of the Pale King), The Jack, and Ildonna, a Red Bride.  Plus various hangers-on, bureaucrats, croquet masters and similar.

The Queen of Hearts was delighted that the party had found not only her missing shoe but also her stolen documents (recipe for tarts that when read through a cipher revealed Heart battle plans). However, when the party attempted to pin the blame on agents of the Pale King, the Hatter stepped forward, drunk, and showed an alternative code that could also be used to interpret the recipe.  This 'revealed' another interpretation that pinned the blame on the party.  After arguing back and forth and the sharing of multiple recriminations, the Queen stated that she was bored and hungry, and demanded the deliciously cooked pudding.  The party asked CB (Chocolate Brown with Hazelnut, the Pudding's name) if they were cool with being eaten.  CB stated that they didn't wish to be eaten, but that maybe they could engage the Queen in lively conversation and she would be so enthralled she wouldn't eat them. That did not work out.

Croquet Grounds 

After the Queen finished devouring CB with four quick bites, the proof was in the pudding.  Documents detailing the crimes of the Pale House were contained in scroll tubes deep within CB. The court rejoiced, and the Queen announced that the party had done well to bring her such a well cooked and timely pudding.  She announced with glee that there would be a croquet match for her court to celebrate and for the party to negotiate with the Queen of Hearts about shutting off her realm to the Pale King and his Giant allies.

The party had to be dressed appropriately and sought the help of the royal tailor.  However, they couldn't afford his exorbitant prices.  Kvothe swore allegiance to the UltraDuke, who covered his costs for the outfit, Jarreth had the tapestry maker the group saved the last session stitch his tapestries into a Technicolor Dreamcoat.  The group then traveled to the croquet grounds, once again surrounded by the full finery and excess of the traveling court.  They were tasked with defeating three Giants in a friendly game of croquet, and the party looked out over a sea of thousands of wickets of different colors, sizes, and materials in apparently random locations. Jarreth asked for a token of the Dutchess to wear during his game and took a beautiful necklace.  Kvothe skulked around the edges and tried to assess the political situation.   Eventually, the party "fought" the giants in croquet, the giants seeming to be more concerned with crushing the party under the weight of their boulder-sized balls than actually scoring points.  The party impressed the court with their panashe, riding horses into the game, pulling trick shots, etc.  They were declared the winner when the goblin timer went off (a Heart Court timekeeping convention where goblins are assigned a task and time is up when they complete it or get themselves killed) 

Monday, September 10, 2018

RPL Play Report #2

Play Notes 8/12

Thanks Josh for writing the play report!  We are only 2 sessions behind now.

After solving a tapestry based puzzle, Jarreth and Kvothe were once again pulled into through the looking glass and back to the main quest.

After returning to the bridge where they had recovered the Queen’s shoe they discussed what to do next. It was quickly decided to follow the Pseudo Turtle’s advice and find the papers, which naturally would seem to be with the companion of the vampire they had just slain. After further discussion they decided to continue on the path based on information provided by the Pudding (the Pudding or “Chocolate Brown with Hazelnut” is a sentient and gossipy creature that long time readers will recognize from the previous play report).
Our Hero

The party encountered a well marked as R^3. Inside were three children willing to trade for food. After ridding themselves of a few days rations (despite the children’s pleas for the pudding) the children provided information that they had indeed seen the mysterious stranger, a figure dressed like a mime but disguised as a statute. Fearing that the figure might actually be a statue, Jarreth traded the children for a rod with which Kvothe could use as a weapon while fashioning himself a maul. During this period a seven of clubs appeared in search of the shoe and seemed to want to get information from the children in the well by killing them. Jarreth tricked the vampire into drinking some holy water and the party defeated the vampire after a short combat.

The party then moved to the North and encountered the statue garden where the figure they chased was likely headed. The statue garden was guarded by three horse-sized shrikes (shrikes Jarreth knew to be carnivorous birds based on his recollection of the exotic bird book). Kvothe picked up the target’s trail and while Jarreth distracted the Shrikes from a safe distance, Kvothe snuck in. Kvothe found the statue/mime, assaulted him, and then hid himself in a safe place. The mime was less quiet expected and was consequently eaten by birds. Kvothe recovered the statue’s messenger bag using mage hand and the party left back to the passage that had lead to this outer area.

The passage randomly teleported them into the Queen of Heart’s castle. The party appeared in a dark crypt that turned out to be the resting place of the kings and queens of spades, diamonds and clubs. The kings and queens were apparently missing their heads but that did not stop them from promising all manner of things if only the party would return their heads. Kvothe was unmoved by their promises and started working on a method to get out through the trap door above them. Jarreth made a fairly noncommittal promise to the King of Spades and took a mighty two handed weapon that had been used by a Jack of Spades. Using his Eldritch Knight powers he bonded to it while Kvothe explored above.

Kvothe discovered a Footman in Livery and proceeded to murder it. Jarreth rejoined and the party discovered themselves to be in a secret passage that leads to the hallway adjacent to the playrooms.

Entering the playroom they discovered their old friend the tapestry maker in a major panic. Four 9s of hearts had stolen his works, placed them on the walls and lit fire to them. Without hesitation, Jarreth threw the pudding against the blazing tapestries, filling the room with a rich aroma and putting out the flames. Jarreth then, using the Queen’s shoe, bullied out of the hearts that it was the Pale King responsible for the attack. Jarreth then had the tapestry maker examine the giants’ tapestry he had stolen and he learned of its value as propaganda. The party decided to bring the tapestry maker along as they headed to the Queen’s court and proceeded to rotate their gravity appropriately.

Tuesday, August 14, 2018

Fancy Giants

In my campaign, the beautiful and refined vampires of beyond the mirror are allied with the brutish and hulking giants in a marriage of convenience. The contrast between their levels of refinement could not be sharper, and obviously, the vampires are not going to allow a much of ugly, smelly giants to mess up their feasts, croquet matches, and masques.   They are happy to squeeze the giants into their versions of house dinner jackets (the ones you get when you've not dressed appropriately at a fancy restaurant)

This changes their stats and descriptions somewhat

Fancy Hill Giant
Perhaps feeling that bright colors and patterns would give a clownish appearance, some brave low-level vampire clothier has whipped up dark leather suits with neck ruffs.  The Hill Giants in question are constantly itching at their necks, splitting their pantaloons and generally acting like when you were 11 and your parents made you wear church clothes. The vampires try to keep them outside (to deal with the smell) and have found that croquet keeps them active without too much damage to property. They have the following changes:

AC increased to 16 due to heavy layers of leather and cloth

Greatclub replaced with Croquet Mallet, same stats

Rock replaced with Croquet Ball, first hit is the same as Rock Throw, but make a note of where the croquet ball landed.  Subsequent Croquet Ball attacks can knock into these balls, sending both or possible multiple balls bouncing into each other and around the battlefield, dealing full damage. Each Giant has their own colored balls and they are extremely skilled on the bounce.

One in every group of Hill Giants will have a Fancy Hat.  It is a frequent object of interest by the Giants, as it is the only distinguishing feature they are permitted, being all crammed in the same clothes.  Hats with positive effects are often worn by the biggest and meanest giant, runts are often forced to wear hats with negative effects.  Roll 1d12 or just choose.

1. Fez: Comes with luxury smoking jacket, pipe, and tobacco.  The most highly prized among giants.

2. Boater: In the summer, this hat adds +5 to the giant's to hit with both attacks. (Keeps the sun out of their eyes and increases self-confidence)
During the winter, if you roll a giant with this hat it indicates that this giant is wearing the hat out of season.  The other giants have been taught to be enraged by this and will tear the offending giant limb from limb.

3. Beret:  This hat indicates that this giant has an "artist's soul" as decided by a vampire noble.  This noble gives the giant frequent lessons in art, history, and poetry to the confused and enraged giant.  They have also collected the confused giant's responses in a chapbook of poetry titled Against the Giants, a Cry from The Wilderness. 

The noble will be nearby and will call out support and encouragement but will not assist their pupil in combat.  If the giant is injured or slain they will rush over to write down their dying words and poetry for posterity.

4. Bowler Hat: This durable felt hat is stuffed with wool or cloth to protect the head.  +1 AC and critical hits become normal hits.

5. Bicorne:  This giant has a cocky strut.

6. Cloche:  Horrifying as it is to contemplate, a bright bow on this hat indicates this giant is single and looking to mingle.

7. Dunce Cap: This giant does not understand why everyone is laughing at them and is enraged.  If any of the players laugh at or mock this giant, the giant's next attack does x2 damage.

8. Hennin:  A small band of goblins follows this giant about, attempting to snatch the hat off their head while they are distracted.  If a player steals the hat from either the giant or goblins, they receive a minor boon.

9. Party Hat: It is this giant's birthday (decided randomly by a vampire noble).  They have multiple large wrapped birthday presents, are covered in streamers and slightly lethargic from cake.  This giant has x4 treasure and -2 to attack.

10. Phrygian Cap: This giant has been confusingly recruited into one of the many liberation struggles of the Clubs and Spades, who rally around them and give many toasts to liberty, fraternity, and equality among the various card factions.  Any groups that get further than giving elaborate banquets and rousing speeches are quickly and summarily executed.

11. Sun Hat: For some reason, this giant is surrounded by flocks of unusual birds, including painted buntings, pine warblers, ash-throated flycatchers and even extending to extinct species like dodos.  The birds attack along with the giant and do an additional 1d6 damage if the giant hits.

12. Top Hat (collapsible): These giants are one of the few permitted indoors, and are generally doused in perfume.  Players within 5 feet must make a medium CON saving throw to avoid being sickened. This giant has a random vampire who will care if they are killed.