Play Report: Montasor, Lord of the Stalks

Had a great time DMing tonight!  Ran the Montasor Dungeon/Corn Maze I wrote.
Update! Check out a video of this session, thanks to John!

The Party

Tom made a human monk from the far east named Jito. Jito is a drunken master, here to investigate the incredible potency and growth rate of the corn for a distillery back east.   If he can figure out how the corn grows so virulently, he'll have free whiskey for life!  Jito and Tenzen are traveling the Silk Road going from East to West.

Bien made a human fighter named Tenzen, also from the far east. A masterless Ronin, Tenzen is accompanying his friend Jito and searching for the mythical Cornicorn (unicorn with an ear of corn instead of a horn).  Rumor has it that the Cornicorn's corn horn can cure erectile dysfunction, not that Tenzen is searching for it for that reason or anything.

John played his character from Josh's dungeon, Finn, a brave halfling fighter.  Finn is searching for the Altar of Ripening in order to put his dick on it and get his dick "riper" (bigger).  All the halfings in my world are grey skinned and hairless, but because he was coming from another campaign we just said he was a short human and he kept his skin and hair.

The Town

The party started in Tarryfield, and had already accepted a commission from the Iron Fist to return with Montasor's head and laser pitchfork for 200gp. They started by speaking to the bartender, whose name I have forgotten. The bartender told them about  Montasor, who used to be a mediocre farmer until two years ago, when he retreated into his house and stopped coming out.  One year ago, all his land and quite a bit of his neighbor's hand was suddenly infested with an incredibly virulent strain of corn.  Roughly 3 months ago, the huge fields of corn came to life, marched into town and started abducting people.  That's when the Iron Fist got involved, setting up a barricade and commissioning adventurers to go kill Montasor. 

The party left the tavern, off to go speak to Terry, the Iron Fist captain when they were approached by a man from the bar.  The man grabbed Jito and said that Montasor doesn't just abduct people, he TRANSFORMS people!  Then he showed him his two fingers of his right hand which had been turned to corn. Jito thought that was disgusting, kicked him away and enlisted the townsfolk to shame the man.  The man was put into the stocks and corn was thrown at him. 

The party then spoke to Terry, the Iron Fist captain.  Terry recommended they use fire, or bladed weapons.  Jito asked him if he had a shortsword he could borrow, and Terry gave him a pair of brass knuckles with blades attached to the sides.  Terry revealed that he had been travelling out east and had been given these weapons by a wise man when he needed them, and asked Jito to pay it forward.  The party told Terry about the partially transformed man in the stocks and Terry started to hurry away, drawing his longsword. The party recommended he observe the man instead of killing him, which Terry agreed to think about.  Then the party set off!

The Fields

The party marched through the fields as the wheat turned to corn and the corn got taller and taller. More and more scarecrows started showing up, and Finn eventually started poking around.  He stabbed one with his rapier to no effect, then opened it and noticed it was a human corpse, dead from a slashed throat.  He opened a few more and saw one dead from strangulation.  The party left the corpses there and moved on without closing their eyes. 

They made their way to the Corn Maize itself, and Finn climbed the highest corn stalks, aided by how light he was, and looked out over the corn maze, wisely mapping part of it.  He noticed a huge pumpkin and several twisting paths.  

The party went through the corn maize to the Pumpkin and killed all the cornfolk who were using it as a maypole.  Finn  pulled out the spears that were hurting the giant pumpkin and pinning it to the ground. 

It looked like this big pumpkin, including face

 The pumpkin started to crawl away, and the party wondered how to help it, without much success.  The pumpkin gave Finn a mini-pumpkin as a reward for fulling the spears out, which originally I meant to Finn to eat and recover hit points, but instead he has adopted it. (Naming it Jack)

The party continued straight on in the maze, and came a a clearing with freshly plowed earth, an altar, a statue and two cornmasons.  The cornmasons were carving the statue, and Tenzen ran through the plowed earth, avoiding an attack from the scarecrows below, and killed one.  Jito killed the other one with a bowstrike.  The party then investigated the earth, with Jito taking a piss on it and grabbing the hand that shot out.  Back and forth strength checks ensued as Jito tried to avoid being pulled under.  The party eventually pulled the scarecrow up and killed it in the sun.  Jito saved the magic burlap with seeds woven into it. 

Tenzen the carved a dick into the statue, and Finn fucked about with the altar for a while.  There was a groove for liquid to flow down, and then the center of the altar you could put stuff.  First Finn poured whiskey down the grooves and touched the center and got super drunk.  Then Tenzen poured water down the grooves and touched Finn's hand to the center and Finn had to piss really badly.  Finn, the only one who cared about the Altar of Ripening, was drunk and seemed freaked out by the potential for evil magic, so they left.  (I was hoping someone would put the pumpkin on but it never happened)  They also saw the white snake that lives there but didn't engage it immediately so it left to keep spying on them. 

After some more twists and turns, the party found Montasor's Grain Silo, which was guarded by a corn sphinx.  They answered the corn sphinx's riddle (answer: corn).  The Corn Sphinx then begged them to kill it, as its mind was half corn already and it was going mad.  They said they would if the sphinx told them how to find the cornicorn.  They learned that the white snake knows where to find the cornicorn anytime, and also that if you bring a corn virgin (never eaten corn) out on a harvest moon, the cornicorn will appear. 

They saw Montasor's Grain Silo, which had two doors, one at ground level and one 50 ft up.  Jito climbed up 50 ft snuck up on Montasor, who was standing on the uppermost level shouting abuse at his cornfolk.  Jito tried to grab Montasor and throw him out the window, but he made his check, and we decided to call it for the night.