Random Space Events

We're playing a GURPS campaign in the Firefly universe.  It's looking like travel with random events will be a big part of the episodic nature, so here are some random events in a table. Most of these are from similar FTL events.

1. Asteroid Miners are out of explosives.  They hail you to see if you can help.

2. Automated Merchant ship requests credits and provides items. 

3. Automated Merchant ship requests credits but doesn't work or provide items.

4. Distress Signal! A cruiser is being destroyed in an asteroid field!'

5. Distress Signal! A cruiser is stuck between two asteroids and cannot free itself.

5. Distress Signal! A ship is out of fuel and drifting.

6. Distress Signal! A ship is out of fuel and the crew is long dead.

7. Distress Signal! A ship has plenty of fuel and life support, but the crew is dead?

8. Distress Signal! A pirate is using a distress beacon as a trap.

9. Distress Signal! A pirate is chasing down a merchant ship.

10. Distress Signal! A pirate is chasing down a merchant ship and offers you a bribe to stay out of it.

11. Drifting ship scrappers have parts for sale.

12. Drifting ship scrappers have a rumor about yonder moon.

13. An abandoned Alliance base might hold secrets

14. An abandoned Rebel base might hold secrets 

15. A heavily damaged Alliance Star Destroyer needs help

16. An automated drone protects an abandoned weapons/supply cache from the war

17. A drifting escape pod, far from any ship

18. Stealthy pirate attack

19. Weak distress signal from an abandoned planet

20. A group of ex-marines from the war are attacking civilians

21. A valuable shipment of medical supplies is lightly guarded.

22. A merchant wants you to deliver supplies.

23. A merchant wants you to track down the last guys he hired to deliver supplies

24. A drifting flash drive has a weak distress signal
25. Random inspection by Alliance Officers!  Hope everyone has their papers in order :)

1d10 Payments for Magical Healing

Holy Men disdain your filthy lucre.  Here are some things they might demand instead.

1. Your Firstborn Child
2. Your Name.  You must now go by a title given by the cleric.
3. Your Name.  You must switch names with the cleric.  (40% that the cleric is cursed and is trying to evade identification by malign forces)
4. Your Sense.  Lose a sense of your choice.
5. Your Fingernails.  No, not just the clippings.  The whole thing.  
6. Your Blood.  A good amount, perhaps a Liter.
7. Your Stealth. You have to wear a bell for the rest of your life.
8. Your Teeth.  3 minimum.
9. Your Dreams.  You will never dream again.
10. Your Promise.  You owe the cleric one.

Five more Questions for Elam

Five more questions about Elam, the Land of a Thousand Towers

Religious focus on these questions

1. Who is the richest person in the land?

Private wealth is still technically illegal.  All wealth and potable water belongs to whatever Wizard-King controls the territory it sits on.  However, under the enlightened rule of Feretha the Apostate private industry has flourished in Denethix.  The richest person within the city is Abu al-Hassan, Director of the Bank Inviolable.  He never makes an investment without sleeping on it and then interpreting his dreams for auspicious signs.  A pious man, he bankrolls much of the religious architecture in Denethix.  His desire to preserve his temples often leads him to conflict with the Grand Vizer, Koyl Yrenum, who has a more interventionist view of city building and rebuilding.  

The Bank Inviolatable

        2.  Where can we go to get some magical healing?

Some clerics have healing invocations, but most sane people stay the hell away from clerics unless their wounds are dire.  If you're desperate, you can go to the City Temple and see which gods or clerics are represented. The selection of clerics and gods present changes by the day as holy men wander through.  Know that most holy men will not accept gold or silver, and may ask for things like fingers, your voice, your name or your firstborn child.  Alternatively, you can go to the Cult of Science, which holds a separate headquarters in Denethix and will often accept artifacts from the Before Time for payment.  However, their strange tinctures and methods are not likely to work, and will often leave you with new problems even if they do.

"Can you cast Cure Light Wounds?"

        3.  Where can we go to get cures for the following conditions: poison, disease, curse, level drain, lycanthropy, polymorph, alignment change, death, undeath?

Similar to the above question, clerics at the City Temple might be able to help for a steeper price.  The Cult of Science is starting to get a little out of its pay grade at this level of malady, but might be able to at least change your situation.  An example: You've been polymorphed into a horse.  They could remove your horse head and attach it to a human body to try and get you back part of the way.  

At the level of Death/Undeath, very few people would be able to help you.  You could go find and petition a god directly.  Remember that every god exists physically somewhere in the world, Princess Mononoke style.  They are often unhappy to be interrupted and delight in twisting the words of mortals around to fulfill their requests ironically, so be careful.

You asked to not be polymorphed into a horse anymore, and got your wish!

  

A Wizard-King might have the ability to help you, but almost every one is so irrevocably insane that getting any help would be a trial.  

       4:  Is there a magic guild my MU belongs to or that I can join in order to get more spells?

Kind of.  Each magic user powerful enough to found such a society has instead built a huge tower/mech-robot and claimed a swath of the land as their own private domain for twisted magical experiments, and has little interest in training potential rivals.  Magic knowledge is guarded jealously, and certainly not shared with filthy PCs.  Killing a Wizard-King or stealing their spellbook is a potential source of new spells if you've got the ability. 

The Church of Starry Wisdom is the last major religious organization in Denethix, and is made up primarily of Magic Users, not clerics.  They seek to bring back the old gods from beyond the vale, and destroy all human life.  They could train you if you're a good stargazer and also want to destroy all human life.  

It's probably fine

        5:Where can I find an alchemist, sage or other expert NPC?

Wise men and women abound in the Bazaar Incomparable, selling their consult, services and aid.  If you ask around and check references you can  get loyal and expert help at a cheap price.  It's also possible that you'll be fleeced by con artists, but the Feasters (town police force) actually do a good job at keeping outright fraud to a minimum.    

Toad Sages are available on request

If you want even more esoteric help, you can go to the Aesthetic Hermits in the Western Mountains and pass their demanding trials.  They're happy to aid those who pass. 

My Character

Image Credit Dungeons and Drawings
http://dungeonsanddrawings.blogspot.com

Ivan Blackblade is a noble, grandson of Duke George Blackblade, famous dragonslayer. I try to emphasize three things when running this character.  

1. His devotion to the codes of law and a pre-chivalric noble code of conduct, in spite of his inherent wildness. Some men rest easy under laws; duty and obedience are their nature.  Ivan is a wild storm, controlled and tempered only through extreme acts of will.

2. His friendship and devotion to Trellin, tiefling bard and family friend. It's fun to have a strong connection to another PC.  Ivan and Trellin are childhood friends, and Ivan trusts Trellin implicitly and completely.  Ivan would sacrifice anything to keep Trellin safe.

3. His painting (this one is new).   My dnd group has a lot of artists in it, including me.  He carries a travel easel and ground oil paints, as well as a sketchbook and watercolors.  He especially like to paint natural scenes and sketches new plants or animals when he gets the chance.  Depending on how much leeway my group gives me for downtime, he might get into lepidoteria.

A quick story of how he got his druidic powers.

One day, while on a fox hunt, the fox he had cornered flickered into the shape of a woman, and in a burst of black feathers there was an ancient raven flying away.  Ivan followed all day, crashing through the underbrush and wearing down the creature as it shifted between various forms. Several times the role of hunter and hunted switched, with Ivan barely escaping a wolf's snapping jaws or a bear's wild fury.  It was exhilarating, the best hunt Ivan had taken part of in years.  At the end, he cornered the woman, now in human shape, at the edge of a rocky shore near a lake.  She was a thin, grey woman half lost in the gathering night.  She offered him gold, wealth beyond measure if he would release her.  Ivan refused, and stepped closer.  She offered him a crown, power over men and a kingship for his family.  He refused again.  He stepped closer, and she asked him what he wanted.  

"I don't want the hunt to ever end" he said.  

She smiled, sat down cross legged, and began to teach him Druidic. 

When Ivan staggered out of the woods two weeks later, his mind was filled with visions, and the whole thing seemed like a dream. The wolf shapes and deep caves, the circle of women and a great she-bear wearing antlers all blurred together in his mind.   Had he truly turned into a wolf, and howled with the woman at the full moon?  He wasn't able to shapeshift when he tried now.  The only thing he had was a harsh new language full of consonants and howls, and a clear memory of the woman's smiling parting threat. 

"Get strong now, young warg.  Take your easy prey where you can, and gather a pack.  I will find you again, and soon.  Next time, I will be the hunter, and you the prey."  

When he came back to his estate, news was waiting for him that his childhood friend, Trellin, had gone missing. His head still full of visions, he packed up and set out on the road to continue the hunt.   

Hey guys, this is a guest post from my good friend and number one commenter Josh Lingerfelt.  I love the focus on making other races fundamentally alien.  I'll be talking about Race as Class an a method for grasping at that difference soon.  Enjoy this wonderful post!

Dwarven Slayers 

In making a setting it is important to think about what makes a race truly different.  Think about everyone you know or have ever heard of, that’s the breadth of humanity.  That’s one race, in order to make a race truly different they can’t be like all the people you can imagine.  Ideally a race shouldn’t just be a grouping of different stat blocks that help optimize your class, they should be functionally wired different.  Now it’s likely that an adventurer of any race is an outsider from their society, but think about how that alien society and alien brain chemistry changes your character and why it might drive them to do what they do.

One setting that does a tremendous job of making other races foreign is Warhammer Fantasy.  Like in the world Faerun, the world of Warhammer has dwarves that are master miners and craftsmen, who enjoy a good mug of ale and are greedy.  In Warhammer though they are quick to hold a grudge;, never forgiving and never forgetting, they write these grudges down in a great tome and passing them on from generation to generation.  They are also so greedy that they frequently choose death over losing their horde.   This brings us to the subject of pride and the role of the Slayer in Dwarven society (from the Warhammer Wiki):

“Dwarfs are above all very proud individuals and do not cope easily with failure or personal loss. Should a Dwarf suffer some terrible personal tragedy, he will be inconsolable. The loss of his family, his hoard, or failure to uphold a promise can seriously unhinge the mind of any Dwarf. Young Dwarfs forsaken in love often never recover from the blow to their pride. Whatever the cause, Dwarfs who have suffered what they perceive to be a serious loss of honor will often forsake the fellowship of their family and friends for a life of self-imposed exile.

Leaving their home stronghold as far behind as possible, they wander in the wilderness brooding on the misery of existence. Having broken with everything he holds dear, the Dwarf deliberately seeks death by hunting out and fighting large monsters and in death redeeming his honor in the eyes of the ancestor gods. These Dwarfs are called Slayers. They are stern and laconic individuals, not much given to talking about themselves, and they tend to be horribly scarred as a result of their encounters with Trolls, Giants, Dragons and other monsters.

To show their shame slayers shave their head bare except for a strip that runs down the middle of their head, then dye that strip and beard bright orange, while useing pig grease to stiffen it into a crest. In this way they honor Grimnir the patron god of slayers and the very first slayer. Their way of life invariably means that many achieve their ambition and are slain at the hands of whatever ferocious beast they have confronted. Others, the least successful ones in a sense, tend to survive either because they are the toughest, the fastest or most determined. This process of natural selection weeds out all those who do not have exceptional abilities, so you can be fairly sure that any Slayer you meet is exceptionally tough, violent, and psychopathically dangerous.

Slayers are a fascinating sub-cult of Dwarf society, and many famous Slayers have achieved deeds of exceptional valor. Younger Slayers often band together, sometimes under the tutelage of an older master, so that they can learn the arts of monster slaying. In times of war whole regiments - or bands - of Slayers appear out of the wilderness and join Dwarven Armies, which is a help more than welcome to most Dwarf Lords. Slayers spend as much time as possible improving their warrior skills. Although they seek death, their ancestors will not forgive a slayers shame if he or she does not fight as hard as possible. This duality in purpose means that every victory a slayer achieves is a failure of his or her trues purpose which is to die an honorable death and expunge the shame from his or her soul.”

That’s pretty bad ass.  Now that we have a very cool story flavor of our Dwarven Slayer, let’s translate that into some D&D we can actually use.

Step 1:  Choose Race: Pick your favorite Dwarf.  I’m going to make Drovar, a Mountain Dwarf.

Step 2: Come up with a story.  Drovar was a builder attached to a group of miners.  His primary job was determining if mines were safe and constructing supports as needed.  Drovar’s team found a very lucrative but unstable silver vein and after spending much time on the supports he gave the team the go-ahead to start mining.  The supports collapsed killing everyone but Drovar.

Drovar’s shame was so great that he felt he could return to his clan and his sole option left was to don the Mohawk of the Slayer.

Step 3: Choose a class.  You could try to do something clever, but it seems pretty clear that most if not all Slayers should be Barbarian. Depending on your backstory (and starting level) you might consider having levels in another class and then multiclassing into Barbarian, but you can also handle this by choosing an appropriate background.  Drovar will be a Barbarian through and

Now let’s look at the class options for Barbarian.  At lvl 3 we need to choose either

Berserker or Totem Warrior.  At first glance, this seems like an each choice (Berserker), but due to the way the mechanics for Frenzy work it takes dual-wielding off the table and I had imagined Drovar with an axe in one hand and a hammer in the other.  It’s actually not that hard to reskin Path of the Totem Warrior into Path of the Slayer.

Spirit Seeker: This feature has to go.  Our Slayer has no use for nor flavor for attuning with the natural world to have kinship with beasts.  We can instead give them Locate Animals or Plants and Detect Poison and Disease cast as rituals only.  This lets our Slayer find things to fight and avoid non-glorious death.

Totem Spirit: Rather than make a totem, you must become the part of the Slayer, adopt the orange Mohawk (or equivalent outward signs).    Your appearance may also alter to reflect the being you are becoming (your skin may appear to warp towards stone or your eyes may change color to reflect the chaos within).  Choose combat choices at lvls 3, 6, and 14.  I view the Bear as the Slayer who stands tall in the midst of battle daring all to attack, the Eagle as the dervish flitting about the battlefield killing any seeking respite, and the Wolf as the battlefield leader letting his rage lead his companions to victory.

Spirit Walker: This feature is probably ok, it lets our Slayer know the lay of the land and more importantly the existence of major baddies to fight.  I would push any player to keep it thematic to what use they are going with.

Step 4: Choose a background.  The general problem with all the backgrounds is that the features are generally not going to fit.  For instance, I had imagined Drovar as a Guild Artisan, but Guild Membership is not really appropriate for a Slayer.  As an alternative you can take the Slayer

Slayer: You have given up your past to embrace a glorious death in combat.  Other non-Slayer dwarves, while wary of you, will begrudgingly provide you with minimalist support assuming you either head on or aid them in a coming fight.  Slayer dwarves are glad to have you in their midst.  In non-dwarven society you are treated as having the “bad reputation” background.

The rest of character creation should follow naturally.

20 Questions for Elam: Part 1

The classic 20 questions for a custom campaign setting, 5 at a time. 

The setting is called Elam.  It's a gonzo collection of city-states built on the wreckage of the modern world.  It's largely a mash-up/combination of Arnold's Centerra and the Anomalous Subsurface Environment, plus Sumerian mythology and some remixed Byzantium culture.

       1. What is the deal with my cleric's religion?

This is the deal.

Elam is flush with gods. Each city has a god, and the people of that city are the god's chosen people.  Worship of a particular divinity and tribal pride in your city-state/people are closely intertwined. Every city, grove, and field has gods, of various levels of potency. All of them are real, as in they are wandering around the earth somewhere, and while some are very powerful, they are not omnipotent or omniscient. They can be tricked and they can be killed.  Think Princess Mononoke, with boar and wolf gods living alongside great forest spirits. Their dictates and prescriptions are based on their own desires, far divorced from mortal concerns or morality.  For example, Enki, a god of freshwater, mischief, and beermaking is a great carp-man who lives in the northern river.  He comes to the ziggurnaut temple built on the shore to whisper secret beer recipes to his faithful, and he capsizes boats whose captains cannot answer his riddles. Any who call on his power might have their faith rewarded with miracles, but he requires human sacrifice to feed his hungry fish-daughters. Most other gods are a similarly mixed bag. Worship of a god is not connected in the minds of the populace with moral behavior.  Instead, clerics and holy folk are widely regarded as terrifying lords with inscrutable motives.

ENKI-LORD OF THE RIVER

        2. Where can we go to buy standard equipment?

Quoting from ASE

 "No adventurer’s visit to Denethix (your starting town -ed.) is complete without a visit to the Bazaar Incomparable. This plaza is filled with the tents and stalls of innumerable vendors, selling anything and anyone imaginable. For the modern tomb looter, there is no place easier to unload ill-gotten grave goods and dangerous antiquities."

      

 3.  Where can we go to get platemail custom fitted for this monster I just befriended?

THANKS FOR THE ARMOR

The Street of Industrious Efforts has many foundries and workshops that could handle a custom order.  Individual proprietorship shops have been driven out of business by these large conglomerates, so there are no named smiths.  You might also try talking with the Feasters, the town's police force.  They employ a variety of horrid mutants and monsters, so you may be able to work something out.

      

 4.   Who is the mightiest wizard in the land?

Abine of the Crimson Eye is the mightiest wizard by far.  She is esteemed as an Apellomancer, and her great tome holds many of the True Names.  35 years ago she created the elves, dwarves and halfings, releasing each race out onto the world in successive waves. She cares nothing for her abandoned children, and ruthlessly searches and researches for something unknown.  She often raids ancient ruins for forgotten knowledge in her giant mechanized robot (made in her likeness). 

GIANT MECHA ROBOT WIZARDS

       5. Who is the greatest warrior in the land?

This guy.

Tales of martial might and valor abound regarding Rickard the Lion, a barbarian chieftan in the Worthless North.  Starting 5 years ago, Rickard has converted his tribe to the worship of a new god, and now the diplomats who make it back alive report a flaming angel that never leaves his side. Rickard has been too busy subjugating and converting the other tribes of the Worthless North to care much about the current campaign world.  

Roll20 and 5th Edition

I would love to be able to buy modules, designed for 5th edition, that are essentially a pdf adventure text and a pre-constructed Roll20 campaign.  Maps would be already loaded into the different pages, with tokens.  The tokens would already be set to their correct hit points and have auras, etc.  Extra info could be in the pdf, or even written in the GM's layer on the map.  Looking at the current marketplace, there are some modules for sale that might be like this, but they are all 3.5 edition/Pathfinder.  I'm sure the reason there is no 5th edition material is IP.  After so many disastrous attempts by WOTC to build their own online platform, they would be smart to jump on the one that's already built for them, before it starts costing them players.

I was surprised to see no Lamentations of the Flame Princess material on there.  Maybe I just missed them. I've been looking for an excuse to go LOFP for a while, and high quality modules that are preloaded in the platform I use (instead of a book, which is really not helpful in terms of gamability/actual play sessions) would probably push me over.

Lastly, and this is the best case scenario, it would be best if there was a way for anyone to share the adventures they make and charge what you like.  There are so many brilliant GMs out there who have spent time on their maps and stories. Its a shame for that effort to go to waste. I'm sure IP concerns and preference for their own marketplace is keeping Roll20 from doing this.  Think of all the amazing art and maps and stories out there that I could be running.

The Songs of the Frog-Men

In the Mere of Dead Men, all wise travelers carry cotton balls and wax to stop up their ears.  At dusk, as the gas flats erupt and the Stranger begins to lurk at the edge of a campfire, one Frog-Man will climb as high as possible and begin to sing a froggy, croaking song.  All Frog-Men in the area will choose either to take up the song, or to furiously rip the initiator to shreds. It's not clear how they choose, as all the songs sound exactly the same to mammal ears.  Also, repeated exposure to the songs drive one irrevocably insane.  Short term exposure has the following effects, except on the insane, and Frog-Men. No save, but you might have time to stop up your ears once it starts if you move quick.  It's debated, although not widely, if the Frog-Men are naturally immune or have already been driven insane.  It's not widely debated because learned people who rather not spend time thinking about the unseemly, disgusting Frog-Men.

Songs of the Frog-Men Effects

Roll 1d6

1.  Target tries to get to the very bottom of the nearest body of water.  Once there, they bury themselves in mud and drown (presumably). They will attack anyone who tries to stop them.
2.  The target is convinced that all their companions and loved ones have been replaced by Frog-Men imposters.
3.  The target has magical knowledge of the nearest locations of Frog-Men tadpoles.  They run there, attacking anyone who tries to stop them.  Once they get there, they swallow as many tadpoles as possible into their lungs.
4.  Target's skin becomes transparent.  Permanent.
5.  Target seizes any instruments they can find, and runs off to play backup for the singing Frog-Men.
6.  The target becomes convinced that they are secretly a Frog-Man in disguise.

Factional/Fractional Change II

Neverwinter

The Jewel of the North, The City of Skilled Hands

With 400 professional soldiers in its standing army, Neverwinter can muster by far the largest fighting force on the Sword Coast.   Neverwinter is still recovering from a plague that killed one in three citizens and brought industry to a standstill, but seems poised to reclaim its position as an economic powerhouse and regional leader.  Ambitious farmers and merchants make their way to the Jewel of the North, taking advantage of the unprecedented labor shortage.  They move north in huge caravans for protection.

Dagult Neverember, the Lord Protector of Neverwinter, is also the Open Lord of Waterdeep.  When the plague swept through Neverwinter, Lord Dagult invested much of his considerable fortune in evacuation and prevention measurements, personally hiring over 30 plague doctors to wear his insignia and minister to the afflicted.  He is well loved by the populace for these measures.  If it were it not for the actions of the Churches, it's likely that Lord Dagult would have been able to leverage his massive investments in the cities rising industry to become the richest and most powerful man on the Sword Coast.  Instead, he is barely clinging to life.

Someone has been poisoning Lord Dagult, and his best efforts to stop it have been totally ineffective. Who or whatever is poisoning him seem to be intent on crippling him and striking at his family. A large and impulsive man of action, Lord Dagult is not well suited to a shadow war, and his inability to protect himself and his family in the heart of his manor has shaken him.  After his daughter began vomiting constantly, he begged the Harpers for help.  So far the poisonings have abated, but the Harpers have not been able to locate the source.  Every day that goes by is another opportunity for the perpetrators to gain access again, and strike at one of the greatest members of the Lord's Alliance.   

Factional/Fractional Change

The Five Churches of Tiamut are wreaking havoc across the Sword Coast, destabilizing communities,  disrupting economic activity, and forcing people to become refugees.  The Coast currently has a potent mix of regional politics and local millitias which preclude a unified response. This has emboldened the Churches, who rally ever greater numbers of chromatic dragons. The pontiff Severin plans ever bolder attacks on cities and towns. The Churches have not as yet followed their raids with permanent occupation or governance, but their attacks have had profound effects on the governments and institutions of the Sword Coast.  Dragons make everything worse, with few exceptions. This is a list of some of the affected groups, and how their trajectory will look if the heroes do nothing.

Daggerford

Crest of Daggerford

Pwyll Greatshout, the Duke of Daggerford, was killed in a Church attack on his city. The town was largely ruined, the outer gates melted and much of the town guard and millitia killed.  Greatshout was known as a capable military commander with a diplomatic touch.  Daggerford couldn't muster very many soldiers itself, but was known to have an outsize role in politics within the Lord's Alliance as a result of Greatshout's leadership.  His daughter and heir, Thalia Greatshout, was rescued from a burning building by Faelyn, an elf bounty hunter.  She is only seven, but her survival indicates the possibility for uninterrupted succession in Daggerford as it rebuilds, an invaluable advantage the Churches were eager to snuff out.

The Dwarves of the North

Tomb planning is becoming more important for dwarves as part of their legacy

 The dwarves of Mithral Hall, Citadel Felbarr and Citadel Adbar speak with one voice, a result of centuries of intermarriage and cultural homogeneity.

Dwarven birthrates were always low, but in the current campaign time a child has not been born to a dwarf mother in 27 years.   Around 6 years ago, dwarf women started disappearing into the rocky tunnels and crypts below their citadels with no explanation.  Those who remain are confused, scared, and feel betrayed by the gods.   Dwarf society is turning inward, and this notion haunts them: we shall be the last dwarves.  The stonespeakers seem to have become isolationist in response to draconic threat and are loathe to leave their northern homelands.  They fortify their citadels but are unwilling to commit troops elsewhere.  Their conservative tenancies remind them each dwarven life is precious, and cannot be wasted. Other races of the North are used to looking to the dwarves for leadership, and have been surprised to find them absent.

Are the dwarves truly sterile?  Rumors of 'stonechildren,' naked dwarven teenagers who emerge from the rock itself have so far been unsubstantiated.

Stonechildren

Mutation Spell and table

The following spell, Mutation, is a homebrew, made by me for my HOTDQ game.  The Cobalt Claw, one of the five churches of Tiamut that make up the dragon cult, researched this spell in order to spread their vision of a world of exotomps, half-breeds, hybrids and mutants.  To be selected to undergo this spell is considered a great honor, and is mandatory for those seeking the position of Bishop. Only one of my players is capable of casting this atm, so I might make it on the Bard spell list as well as the sorcerer/wizard list.  Our bard has some interest in body horror and inherited traits/bloodlines.

Your crew after casting this spell

Mutation

Third level transmutation [ritual]

Casting Time: One Minute

Range: Touch

Components: V, S

Duration Instantaneous, Permanent

You touch a creature and force wild magic into their DNA structure, creating a permanent mutation.  If the creature is unwilling, they make a Constitution Save against your spell save DC. On a success, they are unaffected by the spell.  If they fail the save, or are willing, roll a d10 and consult the chart below.  The effects of this spell can be reversed only by a Greater Restoration or Wish spell.  

 

1. Night Eye  One of the target's eyes swells to enormous proportion, stretching their head with it.  Huge Pupil is always dilated.  The target has perfect darkvision if they didn't have it already, but only out of that eye.  They are at disadvantage in bright light unless they wear an eyepatch.  

2. Extra Arm: The Target grows an extra arm from their chest.  The arm is sickly and weak, but can hold a dagger or potion.  1 extra dagger attack when they take the attack action, if armor is properly equipped with a hole in it.       

3. No Face.  Where the target's face was, there is now blank, featureless skin.  No mouth, eyes or nose.  The Target begins to suffocate and is blind.  

4. Stolen Shadow.  The target no longer casts a shadow or has a reflection.  You (the caster) may cast the spell Simulacrum once in your life for free (no spells slots, still takes an action), using this creature as the chosen target.

5. Instant Facial Hair.  Roll a d4, (d4): handlebar 'stache, ZZ Top beard, Zappa soul patch, evil twin black goatee.  Regrows if cut, no other facial hair will grow. Gender neutral.

6.  Radar/Sonar  The target grows huge bat ears and has blindsight out to 60 feet.

7.  Aquatic: The target grows functioning gills on the side of their neck.  If they do not immerse in water every day, suffer one level of exhaustion. 

8.  Albinism

9. 360 Vision:  The Target grows extra eyes sprouting out of the back and sides of the head.  If a short hairstyle is worn, they can see all around them in 360 degrees.  +1 to initiative and cannot be surprised if in the normal sensory range.  

 10. Instant Horrible Death

This guy was gonna be the Cobalt Cult/Mutation guy, but then the party murdered him